I'm at the corner table in the library reading Gravity's Rainbow disguised with a Sport's Illustrated magazine from 4 years ago and I'm reading the poo eating scene when I start getting a boner. Suddenly I hear a jingling from behind the book shelf, it's the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ library jester. I break into a cold sweat. He starts walking by and I play it cool so he doesn't take note of me but I'm visibly shaking. Then he sees me. Then he starts walking towards me. "HEY WHATCHA READING?" tears start welling in my eyes "TWO MORE TURDS..." "HEY EVERYONE CHECK OUT THIS COOL BOOK ANON IS READING!" I throw both the book and magazine as hard as I can and run for the door, crying. I slam into the door face first, it's a pull, not a push. I make it home and don't leave my bed for 36 hours.
I haven't been to the library ever since