Recent reviews by BREAD Jester

I can SAVE people! I can drag them away in a hail of bullets while they bleed their guts out. But that matters not to me. I stab them with the elixir of life or zap their soul back into their body. Either way I will SAVE THEM!! I CAN SAVE EVERYONNEEE!!!!! I MUST SAVE....JUST....ONE....MORE. No need to press Q. I do it all for the purpose of my own self imagined war hero fantasy.

I'm........♥♥♥♥♥♥ RUIIIINNNEDDDD!!!!!!!!
Or at least I was until I bought the dip. Then some news came along that the company was gonna get a bump. So naturally I bought. Then a guy calls me and says he's got info and he's willing to sell it for a bundle. So naturally I bought. Then the stock ♥♥♥♥♥♥ tanks. ♥♥♥♥ goes way down. My stress goes up. I gotta manage it so I take a vacation and go on a fishing trip with my secretary. She tells me some stuff about how her grandfather said something about how water is like life and how its always flowing and changing. Sure enough upon my return I get a call from the Japanese IRS. I'm being accused of insider trading. Its over. I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥. I stare out the window toward the busy Tokyo morning, the silhouette of that financial beast, I'm eyeing all the little ants with envy. How many of them got a "tip" from a friend, I wonder? How many of them are making a killing because of a few good friends with a few good tips. And here I am, my life about to be upended. My efforts and investments all for nothing. My assets frozen. I am barred from any trading activity until the investigation is complete. I eye my secretary, she knows but she won't show any reaction to our predicament. She'll keep doing her job until the bitter end. I look at my current finances.....I'm running low. I get a call from a lawyer saying he can defend me for a sum. His odds of success are 50-50. Not worth it and I can't afford it anyway. I say no and hang up. Then I'm told to prepare for legal proceedings. My mind starts racing. I imagine several scenarios involving me in prison and my life after I rejoin society. I think about my poor secretary, her image ruined by me "the insider" they'll say. Then my mind starts to go in a different direction.....I think about going to a hunting store and maybe stealing a gun and some bullets. I think maybe the shame is too great a burden to bear. Then I shake myself out of it. There is always another way. I then think perhaps It might be time to go on a fishing trip.....permanently. Maybe I take my secretary with me. We'll be fishermen...and women. No IDs. No paper trail. We bribe some fishermen to get us out of the country. A kind of defeated sense of peace washes over me. The court day draws near. I make up my mind to tell my secretary of my plan after the trial. I'll head straight home. We'll be gone before the week is out. The day of the trial I show up and brace myself........I'm cleared of all charges. They dropped everything. The cheeky bastards....they had NOTHIN on me! Trading access reinstated. I'm sent home with only a warning to "make sure to follow the stipulated laws to avoid incidents like this in the future". Rain drops fallin on my head blasting on the way home. Yeah I guess you could say I imagined all that in the span of two hours. Its a fun game. Do I even need to say it? BUY STONKS!!!!!! BUY! BUY! BUY!!

Incredible racing game. I remember playing Tokyo Xtreme Racer 3 way back on the PS2. Its a distant memory but I never forgot it. It Runs perfectly for me without any crashes. There is already so much in place for early access. You can tune, customize exterior parts, and there is of course a vinyl editor. The progression and unlock system is simple and you can choose what to unlock via spending points that you earn. It all just looks and feels so damn good. Once again racing through the Shuto Expressway at night is just pure adrenaline pumping fun. And as you get deeper into the game and races get faster and faster with opponents who get tougher and tougher your hands will start to freakin sweat from the excitement of dodging traffic and trying not to wreck. The soundtrack is not only good but is proof of the love that was put into the game. If you played the other games in the series before then you will recognize some of the songs, the themes and motifs if you will, that are in the new soundtrack. Its real good man. REAL good. Its Xtremely good.

Perfect for zoning out. First time I launched it I immediately killed 3 hours just playing around nonstop and taking in the ambiance. Worf every last eurodollar. Now wake the ♥♥♥♥ up samurai we got a city to.....build.

Well ♥♥♥♥. I actually enjoy playing this. The racing is fun and exciting and the new crash physics are funny. One mistake getting through oncoming traffic and you go flying. The AI wrecking is hilarious and has saved my ass from losing money. The soundtrack is just an earsore. There are people who enjoy that kind of music out there but I simply can't drive to it. If you want your enjoyment of this game to go up 80% turn the music off and play your own tracks. The difference is unbelievable. The mood, adrenaline and your involvement in the driving are highly influenced by the music in a racing game so I can't understand why they won't go with something more I don't know exciting? Aggressive? Just add some DnB, numetal, or trance into the mix as opposed to like the 1 techno track they actually put in and everything else being trap/foreign trap. Honestly just turn the soundtrack off immediately and play your own ♥♥♥♥ or the old nfs playlists. The dialogue is unbearable. I don't even know why the player character needs to be voiced. If they aren't going to have any personality, why bother? The story is just there I guess and could've been executed in a way that would make it more captivating for a racing game. All the aforementioned stuff is just fat that needs to be cut. They don't need so much dialogue throughout the game. You could have just had a silent protagonist like Ryan Cooper and told the story through like maybe race descriptions like UG 1/2 and every now and then a cutscene is ok too. For example Underground 2's story was done with in game footage and comic book panels/semi animated art which is to this day extremely unique. There were only 12 minutes or so worth of cutscenes if you look it up on youtube. Or you could even be extra original and bring back stylized live action from Most Wanted (nothing like NFS 2015 though). Maybe some more compelling antagonists could be helpful too. Thankfully the story does not really "intrude" or kill the flow of the fun so to speak. You race, place bets and beat your target, upgrade, then try to get into higher stakes events. Just race and race some more and pimp out your ride and thats what I'm really looking for anyway. I kind of like it. 8/10

The last couple of patches have fixed the frequency of stuttering throughout the game but there are some rare hitches only during intense combat with lots of enemies or when loading some new areas as you walk to them. Cutscenes and gameplay now mostly suffer from frame dropping during effect heavy scenes (fire, smoke) and combat with groups of enemies. Combat in late game can be very unfair due to your camera automatically locking onto enemies. There is no optional lock on. You are just automatically magnetized to enemies which makes it very awkward to fight groups and watch your back at the same time. This clearly wasn't very well thought out because say for example you are low on ammo or health and you come across a section with many enemies. Sometimes you can choose to run past instead of fight but because of the combat lock you will stop running and face the enemy automatically and get forced into a fight. The way around this is just to keep running even if you get hit you can get out of the combat lock but damn its a very strange choice to make it that way. 6.5/10. Recommend you get it on sale ONLY or after the DLC comes out.

Ate' artsy games
Ate' indy games
Ate' games with "depth"

luv fps
luv fun
luv games
simple as

I run a bryson shotgun and RPG loadout with smoke grenades and claymores as throwables paired with perks that give me two secondaries and two lethals (perks help both recharge over 25 seconds practically giving me unlimited smokes and claymores as long as I stay alive) and my field upgrade is the smoke drone (perk speeds up the charge rate by 40%). I can win entire games by myself because I am a one man cummulunimbuss cloud or however you spell that. Smoke the objective, claymores down over and over after each lemming flings its corpse at me. Shotgun everything that comes my way in the smoke while I keep throwing smoke and calling in the smoke drone which makes it hell for anybody trying to take MY objective from ME (or my team I guess). By the time they get through the smoke its already too late. If things get desperate I shoot the ground with the RPG and take everyone with me. Yeah I'm afraid its 10/10 for me.

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D U N G

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EDITED REVIEW AFTER PLAYING POST UPDATES. POLES SUCKING OFF Keanu Reeves. I'll get back to Reeves. Pretty fun for a while. Far Cry like and less RPGish only slight RPG elements. Not much of a difference in class or character life path except for dialogue and your build and endings. Several weird and absurd bugz that don't break the game but are extremely annoying that they end up sort of breaking it cuz you have to reload the game to get rid of em. (Edit: they are game breaking because sometimes weird obscure things get stuck or break and become unbearably annoying. These kinds of bugs seem to have been patched but there are untold numbers of them so I don't know how many still exist as of now) Stuff like audio loops or HUD elements getting stuck on screen. Without spoiling much there was a serious scene that was made not so serious because a guitar riff got stuck playing on repeat and it made the whole thing almost comical. The enemy AI and AI in general are like r e t a r d e d ponies. They'll do their (EDIT: ONE) trick but screw it up at the same time. They get stuck under the map and in walls but I think this got patched recently though not sure if its completely stamped out yet. The driving AI good lord its like twisted metal. If you choose to ride with someone be ready to see them t bone and run mothufuggas over like stone cold psychopaths. U should be aware that there is a lack of choice and the effect of your choice is lacking also. Can't say more without spoiling.

MAJOR SPOILER PAST THIS POINT. DO NOT READ IF YOU CARE ABOUT BEING SPOLED./////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (YES I FORGOT THE SPOILER COMMAND THING WHATEVER I'M WARNING YOU LAST TIME FOR REAL DO NOT READ IF U DON'T WANT 2 BE SPOILED) /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

If you do anything but be nice and do everything Johnny says you're apparently a huge A S S HOLE. I cannot believe that you are tied to that path and no matter what you do you are a villain unless you do what Keanu Reeves tells you and become a real CYBERPUNK TM. The vagueness in morality or whatever you call it where you make morally grey choices such as in the witcher is not present in a CYBERPUNK game. Which means no corpo path where you can be a psychotic car insurance salesman with blades in your arms slicing the heads off poor debtors for failing to pay 1 credit. If you were expecting that level of roleplaying or variety in story choice don't bother. You will be treated like the worst person imaginable if you even think about money or saving your self. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
OK U CAN READ NOW.

The only reason this game is worth playing now is if you are looking for a story based Far Cry like shooter with RPG elements, dialogue choices and the illusion of choice in story paths I guess. The way this game was advertised and described was directionless and completely incoherent. Even now I can't really fully grasp or describe the game this is trying to be or is. To me it was just a shooter with dialogue choices and skill trees and a story that was ok. The ideas and concepts within the story and world is where some of that Cyberpunk core shines, that and the world design. It completely fails in the rest. Soundtrack is alright but the radio music choices make no sense except for some of the electronic/techno/ambient music and I guess the jazz music station is alright but all the trap music/hispanic rap and horrible alternative/punk choices don't feel like 2077 at all. WTF were they thinking? Its a fictional future world the game takes place in and you're telling me people are listening to stuff from the 2010s/20s? That would be like all the hip hop rock/punk alternative radio stations now playing rag time, swing music. Lmao also they put grimes in for some reason. GARBAGE. Aside from all that to finish this huge incoherent post this game is confusing. But that is because IT was hastily developed. They scrapped so much and chopped away at content like it was a cancerous tumor. The reason I rec this game is because CDPR's writing and characters save it to some degree making the game an enjoyable shooter if you're looking to kill time. Despite what I said about choice and how the game treats you, if I had known in the beginning this wasn't an RPG with choice, then I would have probably been glad to be taken for a ride because again the world is nice to take in and the lore is interesting and the concepts about the body and technology are engaging and the characters and story are good in themselves if you don't count the poor attempt at making it look like there were branching paths or choice when there really wasn't much all in order to save face. There is a reason why Rockstar is known for being very brief and concise in their announcements. They just announce ♥♥♥♥ and ♥♥♥♥ off until release day. They don't go out and hype their ♥♥♥♥ at events or book celebrities and blow their load on advertising. Rockstar doesn't talk to to the "fanbase" because they know everybody is a dumb mindless idiot and will explode at the mere mention of "coming soon". They don't blow up expectations to the moon and get overconfident. Its worth it spending 8 years making a game and then only saying 1 thing and then releasing. It was also a complete waste of KEANU REEVES time and talent. His character could've been executed much better but instead YOU ARE WITH HIM FOR THE ENTIRE GAME. I'll stop there because this will go off on a tangent If I keep going. CDPR made a bad move blowing this game up and failing to deliver. If you want to waste some time get this game if you want a more complete coherent game then DO NOT get this ever.

This is Deep Rock Galactic and you play as Space midgets working for a space mining company with the safety standards of an 1800s coal mining operation. In Space OSHA cannot hear you scream. It is kind of like Left 4 Dead except you will actually be left for dead and kind of like Vermintide except there is a literal tide of vermin to fight. As the description says the levels are procedurally generated. The main objective is to carve out your own path through massive caves while mining and fighting aliens. You have to mine minerals because humanity became dwarfs due to vitamin deficiency and now man and woman have beards. But where? Think about it....You can also use minerals to upgrade and get better things but the real purpose is money to buy sick new gear and beard transplants made from dwarf pubes. Just kidding about pubes. Anyway there are 4 classes. Each with their own purpose and abilities. The game is very fun because things can get very chaotic but it all works out in the end when dwarves work together or NOT. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Its still fun when there is animosity because there are several ways to screw over your fellow Dwarfs if you feel like it. In my honest opinion this is second to Left 4 Dead 2 within that genre of games and beats Vermintide 2 putting it in third favorite. There is endless fresh replayability and fun.

Rog and Sdone :DDDDDD