"The Phantom Blooper" by Gustav Hasford

A black grunt with a bandaged head is telling a cute Japanese student nurse a sea story about the first time he got hit.
"This is no ♥♥♥♥," says the grunt head-wound.
Noting the confusion on the student nurse's face, Ranks translates: "This is a true story."
"The Six souvenired our herd a C-A op in a beaucoup number ten thousand hairy A-O."
Ranks says, "Our commanding officer assigned our military unit a combat assault in an unusually scary place."
"The cannon cockers checked fire on the arty prep and Huey gunbirds standing by hit a hot Lima Zulu."
"After an artillery bombardment, armed helicopters carrying Marine riflemen landed under heavy fire."
"A B-40 sucking chest wound wasted my bro."
Ranks translates: "My friend was killed when shrapnel from a rocket-propelled grenade hit him in the lungs."
"The Kid took A-K rounds B-K T&T."
"Rifle bullets went through my leg below the knee."
The black grunt head-wound says, "Payback is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. "
Ranks explains, "What goes around comes around.
The grunt continues, "Phantoms pickled ordnance, snake and nape. Cobras peppered the treeline, want some, get some,
here's a little money from home for yo' zipper-head mama, Mr. Charles."
"Our fighter-bombers dropped bombs and napalm on enemy positions effectively and then helicopter gunships strafed enemy military personnel and their mothers."
The grunt concludes his sea story by saying, "A dustoff dee-dee'd friendly Whiskey India Alphas to Charlie Med, most ricky-tick. Them chuck squid pecker-checkers were number one.
"A medical evacuation helicopter," says Ranks, "flew American battle casualties to a battalion aid station without delay and the treatment by Naval personnel was excellent."

The Japanese student nurse smiles at the black grunt, then at Ranks, shrugs, and haltingly says, "I'm very sorry. I do not speak English."


GG Mr.Charles 7.62/10