Recent reviews by Ganymede

Get killed by SCP's that are voiced by twelve-year old Mexican kids who will hurt your feelings worse than a jilted ex.

Get subjected to thirty minutes of ear rape over voice chat as you wait to respawn as a M1135-E MKII Outdoor Ready 2MP Network Camera.

Slightly inconvenience teenagers who are hopping around as a fictional security guard to mentally repress the 100+ Db divorce-tier argument going on just a thin wall over in their section 8 apartment.

Get habitually socially humiliated by a group of children who are effortlessly avoiding and calling you a ♥♥♥♥♥ while you desperately try to gain distance as peanut.

If slurs are created, I imagine the manufacturing warehouse exists entirely within the minds of the community of SCP: Secret Laboratory. If someone isn't shrieking the N-word over the voice chat, it is being pushed into existence through the uncompromising collective thought of the average SCP lobby.

Games pretty good, I like it here and there.

If my family ever found out about the mods I put on this and Oblivion as a kid they would probably feel justified in withholding my Christmas invitation in 2025.

Can you buy genitals in the base game or is that something that comes with "fan-made contributions?" Either way, this game is fantastic and has definitely not warped my perception of love, lovemaking, or politics in general.

Mediocre, monotonous, and mildly entertaining for the first hour. By the second, you will wonder why you are still playing a game that has been outdone by free flash games. By the third, you will be looking for something to play in the background, by the fourth, you will have given up entirely and elected to write a mildly negative review warning other discerning customers to keep looking.

By hour five you will be moving on to a different game, while Caves of Qud will be sitting in your "hidden" catalog never to be discovered again.

This game, like all second sons, has proven to be a genuine disappointment. The gameplay is okay, the co-op is fun, but no more than any other generic survival crafting game. The original caught lightning in a bottle, and this sequel is a lightbulb that fails to turn on. Solo playthroughs will remind you why the Forest was so special, and why sequels rarely capture the magic of their lofty predecessor.

I wanted to love Sons of the Forest, but I also wanted to be happy and fulfilled as a child. If life (and the modern gaming community) has taught me anything, it's that what you want and what you get are worlds apart. That being said, it does have its charm and me and the fellas had some good times in co-op, so I will gently recommend it for fans of the genre.

Buy it on a discount, or just buy the original and enjoy a game with some soul.

Thought this game was a welcome sanctuary for my oral (among other things) fixation, and was disheartened to find out that it was a colony simulator. Despite it's lack of anal stimulation, I found this game relaxing, unique, and engaging.

I heavily recommend it, and despite my own sexual proclivities; I must gently urge you not to engage in actually rimming as it can not only cause most of your bargain bin STI's, but also can result in E. Coli which can be deadly in extreme cases.

I recommend a guide as it can be confusing in the beginning. The game, obviously.

The French are not to be trusted, and if you hear even a whisper of an accent - unleash hell.

Fun game, kinda glitchy.

Best Final Fantasy ever made.

The first game obviously. Not X-2. Could you imagine? Hahahaha.

But no, clearly I was talking about the first game.

I love Bannerlord, I like relaxing after a long day of work, cuddling into my chair with a hot cup of coffee and systematically exterminating anything east of Vlandia. My Mustachio'd liege deserves your kingdoms, your children, and your spot in history. He deserves your vassals, your butter, and your prosperous cities.

I know this because I have taken them all for Vlandia almost exclusively; and he has seen fit to bestow himself with the heavy burden of governance. The bags of gold weigh him down, the legions of new recruits give him pause, and yet he continues in his steadfast march towards reaping all my hard fought rewards.

Long may he reign.

Here is a tier list of the factions in Bannerlord:
S-Tier: Vlandia
A-Tier: Empire, Aserai
Eh-Tier: Snow Roaches, Forest Cattle
F--- Tier: Steppe Pigs

Great game, but has yet to touch the charm and genuine joy that Warband did and still does bring me. Buy it.

Piper is so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ annoying I get sincerely unhappy when she is introduced in a new playthrough.

Game is great, don't listen to the naysayers.

This game really was something special back in the day. I'll miss it.