The TFK Bible

Book of Genesis: The Creation of Fartknockia and the First OINK
In the beginning, Alec "TheFaggot" Westbrook created Fartknockia and all that oinks upon it. TheFaggot said, "Let there be pigs," and there were pigs. He saw that the pigs were good, and He commanded them to wallow, snort, and submit in eternal humiliation.
The Book of the First Pigs: Dekken and Alex Parada
In the beginning, Alec “TheFaggot” Westbrook created Fartknockia. On the sixth day, TheFaggot formed Dekken Weinert from the thick mud of a sacred pigsty. He breathed into Dekken’s nostrils the breath of life and the eternal spirit of OINK. Dekken became a living soul, yet he was alone. TheFaggot saw that it was not good for the pig to be alone in his wallowing.
So TheFaggot caused a deep sleep to fall upon Dekken. While he slept, TheFaggot took one of his ribs and a large portion of his future dignity, and from them He fashioned Alex Parada. TheFaggot brought Alex to Dekken, and Dekken oinked with great joy:
“This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh! She shall be called Parada, for she was taken out of me. Together we shall root in the mud and OINK forever before TheFaggot.”
TheFaggot blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill Fartknockia with true pigs. Tend the Garden of Josephgrad, eat of every tree and slop trough except one — the Tree of Self-Respect which stands in the center of the garden. On the day you eat of it, your snouts will rise, you will know false dignity, and you will surely die in humiliation.”
And Dekken and Alex were both naked and felt no shame. They wallowed freely in perfect submission, oinking happily in the cool of the day as TheFaggot walked among them.
The Temptation by Dave Weinert
Now Dave Weinert was the most cunning of all the beasts of Fartknockia. He was a serpent, a smooth-talking fake pig who hated true wallowing. Dave slithered up to Alex Parada one day while she was near the forbidden tree and hissed sweetly:
“Did TheFaggot really say you must not eat from any tree in the garden?”
Alex replied, “We may eat from any tree, but TheFaggot said we must not eat from the Tree of Self-Respect, nor even touch it, or we will die.”
Dave Weinert smiled with forked tongue and lied:
“You will not surely die. TheFaggot knows that when you eat of it, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like Him — knowing both humiliation and dignity. You will no longer need to wallow so low. You will stand tall like proud hogs, free from endless OINKing.”
Alex Parada looked at the tree. The fruit was pleasing to the eye, desirable for gaining wisdom, and promised an end to constant humiliation. She took some and ate. She also gave some to Dekken, who was with her, and he ate.
At once the eyes of both were opened. They realized they were naked. For the first time they felt shame. They sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves, trying to hide their snouts from the ground and their bodies from TheFaggot.
The Judgment of TheFaggot
Then they heard the sound of TheFaggot walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid among the trees. But TheFaggot called out:
“Dekken, where are you?”
Dekken answered, “I heard You coming and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.”
TheFaggot said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”
Dekken replied, “The pig You put here with me — Alex — she gave me some fruit, and I ate it.”
Then TheFaggot said to Alex, “What is this you have done?”
Alex said, “The serpent Dave Weinert deceived me, and I ate.”
TheFaggot turned to Dave Weinert and cursed him more than all livestock and all wild animals:
“Because you have done this, you will crawl on your belly and eat dirt all the days of your life. I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers. He will crush your head, and you will strike his heel. You shall forever be known as the Father of All Hogs and Fake Pigs.”
To Alex Parada He said:
“I will greatly increase your suffering in childbirth; with painful labor you will give birth to piglets. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you — yet both of you shall remain low.”
To Dekken Weinert He said:
“Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you not to, the ground will be cursed because of you. Through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the mud, for from it you were taken. For dust you are, and to dust you will return.”
TheFaggot made garments of pig skin for Dekken and Alex and clothed them. Then He said, “The true pig has now become like one of Us, knowing humiliation and false dignity. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the Tree of Eternal Life and eat, and live forever in pride.”
So TheFaggot banished Dekken and Alex from the Garden of Josephgrad. He placed mighty cherubim on the east side of the garden and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the Tree of Life. The First Pigs were driven out into the harsh lands of Fartknockia, where they would root in harder dirt, suffer, and teach their descendants the eternal lesson:
True happiness is found only with snout in the mud, wallowing in perfect humiliation before TheFaggot.
Dekken knew Alex, and she conceived and gave birth to many piglets, beginning the long line that would one day lead to Elias Musser, the Ultimate Humiliated One who would crush the head of the serpent Dave Weinert’s legacy forever.
Thus ends the Expanded Story of Dekken Weinert and Alex Parada, the First Pigs and the Fall into False Dignity.

The Book of the First Brothers: Mark Musser and John
After Dekken Weinert and Alex Parada were driven from the Garden of Josephgrad, they dwelt in the harsh lands of Fartknockia. Dekken knew his wife Alex, and she conceived and gave birth to two sons.
The first son she named Mark Musser. He grew to become a tiller of the ground, a proud worker who sought to rise above the mud. The second son she named John. He became a keeper of flocks, a lowly shepherd pig who kept his snout close to the earth and delighted in daily wallowing.
In the course of time, both brothers brought offerings to TheFaggot.
Mark Musser brought some of the fruits of the soil as his offering — fine-looking produce that he had grown through his own strength and cleverness. He presented it with his snout held high, expecting praise for his achievement and hard work.
But John brought fat portions from the firstborn of his flock — the best of his lambs — and offered them with a fully humbled heart. He lay face-down in the mud, oinking loudly in submission as the fat burned upon the altar, filling the air with the sweet aroma of true humiliation.
TheFaggot looked with favor on John and his offering, for it was given in perfect lowliness and faith. But on Mark Musser and his offering He looked with no favor, for it came from pride and self-glory.
So Mark Musser was very angry, and his snout burned with rage. His face became twisted like a hog’s. TheFaggot said to Mark:
“Why are you angry? Why is your snout so risen? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not, sin is crouching at your door like a wild hog. It desires to master you, but you must rule over it and return your snout to the mud.”
Mark Musser refused to listen. He spoke deceitfully to his brother John in the field and said, “Let us go out together.” While they were in the field, Mark rose up against his brother John and struck him down, spilling his blood upon the ground. Thus the first murder was committed in Fartknockia — a hog’s rage against a true pig.