Love Stan

You will love Stan for he is all powerful. Stan is the creator of the Internet. Stan created the world. Stan likes your cheese.

Where Satan sucks ass, and God fails to show up there is Stan. Where Allah sees, there is Stan. Where Buddha is compassionate, there is Stan. Where Voodoo lacks followers there is Stan. In all the world there is only Stan. I am Stan, you are Stan, the world is Stan. For Stan is great.

Stan does not love you, for why would he? Do you share your beer with Stan? Do you offer him cake (he prefers cheesecake)? Do you invite him to sleep with your female relatives? You do not, or did not until today, for now brother (or sister, we are not gender discriminate!) you know of the existance of Stan, and now you shall praise him mightily. You shall give him beer, and you shall become drunk from his piss for it is pure Vodka.

Stan sweats pure liquid cannabis. He cries tears of molten anthrax. He ♥♥♥♥♥ bricks made of only the highest quality kevlar. His hair is made from the toenail clippings of a thousand Umpa Loompas. His blood is the vomit of Queen Victoria I. He oozes with charm, charisma and androgenous sex appeal. This is why we worship Stan.

Can you see Jesus? Does Satan appear before you every night and perform indecent acts upon you? If not you should worship Stan for he does all this and more.