WHY WE SHOULD THROW OUR STORE OVER

We believe in one Founder,
the Founder, the Discounted,
Creator of all that is, cheap and un-cheap.
We believe in one CEO, Bob Sasser,
the only Son of Dominique,
eternally begotten of the Creator,
Founder from Founder, Discount from Discount,
true Creator from true Creator,
begotten, not made, consubstantial
of one Being with the Creator.
Through him all things were made.
For us and for our salvation
he came down from Retail Heaven:
and by the Holy Cashier was incarnate
he became incarnate from the Virgin Aisle,
and was made CEO.
For our sake he was fired under the Consumer Product Safety Commission;
he suffered unemployment and was rehired as a janitor.
On the third day he was hired again
in accordance with the Dollars;
he ascended into Retail Heaven
and is seated at the right office chair of the Founder.
He will come again in glory to judge the lavish and the cheap,
and his store will have no end.
We believe in the Holy Cashier, the Founder, the giver of life,
who proceeds from the Creator and the Son.
With the Creator and the Son he is worshipped and glorified.
He has spoken through the Profits.
We believe in one holy cheap and inexpensive Store.
We acknowledge one tax for the forgiveness of sins.
We look for the resurrection of the recalled,
and the life of the store to come. Amen.