After our scientists of the past extracted tachyon particles from absconded corned beef tins exposed to A-bomb tests, management decided a soft reboot of the timeline was in order to secure the facility's reemergence into the present.

That was nearly 8 years ago and although research initially proceeded unhindered, our meddling with time created new significant timeline events that nearly collapsed the Research Network.

1. Beefxit - A public vote predicated on the belief that the British public did not want to be ruled by the Bovine Union (BU), with one Minister quoted as saying the people 'have had enough of corned beef experts'.

The passing of this referendum cut a large majority of the funding here at CERN, halting a lot of our research into Aeronautical Bread and Butter Consistency (Aero B&B)

Internal inquires have since concluded a mass-misinformation campaign was conducted by our East-European rivals over at SPAM to secure themselves more funding and influence.

2. Cowvid-19

A global pandemic which originated at the annual Bull Hits musical festival, which that year was held in China's Moohan district. The resulting international hysteria lead to major population loss among the cow and calf community.

Although collaborations between ourselves, Piezer-BullNTech and Mooderna helped create a vaccine to combat said virus, animal vaccination deniers hindered our plans for 100% herd immunity. A significant number of test subjects therefore were unavailable for research.

Strict lockdown measures led to a number of staff working from home but they were left disillusioned by conducting research over Moom Calls and have since resigned.

The Network was in dire straits.

However, seeing as i'm posting this on the internal mail group, we quite obviously continued on to the best of our ability and still remain.

Better still, we have good news!

A huge influx of investment has been secured by admin.

We have sold many of our old and retiring assets to the Saudi Halal Pro League and have funding to see us through for decades.

This is a bold new frontier for Corned Beef research, may we continue to strive for a better tomorrow.

::This message has been recieved on an LCD screen in the Kentucky Fried Corned Beef restaurant adjecent to the research facility::

Greetings shareholders,

You may be wondering why there has been no research news since [[INSERT DATE HERE]]

Unfortunately, experiements with Chrono-Beef had gone awry and the whole facilty (Including Boss-Eye Jeff's Security Hut) has been shifted to 1960.

Fear not, all are well and the facility suffered next to no structural damage.

The good news is that because the facility is on site before it was even constructed, no builders lost their lives when they excavated too near a vampire nest.

The bad news being that an extermination team did not yet go in to remove said vampire nest, a vampire nest which we exposed during our chrono-matter displacement.

But not to worry, although the Undead Killing Kit was transported to our Australian facility years ago, we've had scientists create a powerful Garlic Corned Beef Necklace and Stake Deterrent Device.

Our other environment adaptation project is thus :

Moustache Tech - In an effort to blend in with the locals we are attempting to cultivate adequate moustaches to add gravitas to our World War 2 anecdotes.


As always, Corned Beef research remains a high priority and we hope to return to you with grander ideas and appliances for use in your everyday needs.

- Administration


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P.S.

In the best interest in everyones health, please avoid asking each other questions such as:

"Why does the facility not exist in the present timeline when it functions fine - heck, more than fine, it's being run perfectly with well educated staff - in the 1960s?"

or

"If the facility was never built, how has it been able to be constructed and even transported back to the 1960s?"

As we are currently without answers. Due to our expert on such matters, Dr. P 'Paradox' McCartney, recently absconded to Liverpool with the notion of starting a musical group.

During the time locked inside, the PR department began extensive research into the best ways to promote Corned Beef.

After careful consideration they concluded that Video Games and their associated media were ripe for Corned Beef exploitation.

At the time the facility lacked a Games Development department, but thanks to the genius of Dr. Cobb and his Oneirology Research team, we were able to re-educate our trepidacious I.T. staff through carefully constructed dream scenarios.

Supposedly time moves much slower in a dream state and participants, who remain aware that they are dreaming even though they are asleep, were able to attend Dr. Cobb's Games Development Seminars together for up to fifty years of dream time for every 10 hours of sleep here at CERN.

The project was a tremendous success and 5 of the 104 participants who woke up with healthy mental faculties were able to spend the past few months creating a dazzling new video game.

Corn of Duty: Beef Ops will be hitting the shelves this coming March.

Purchase is compulsory for all CERN employees.


-- Administration

After believing a discarded egg sandwich in the parking lot was active nuclear material, the A.I. here at CERN did its duty and sealed off the facility until the threat had been eliminated.

Unfortunately, with all staff already inside and communications to the outside world disabled, we've been kept inside these nine months until a wandering tramp took the sandwich for his dinner.

To all concerned friends and relatives, your loved ones are mostly fine. We have of course been busy with our research throughout this time and have actually improved CERN mortality rates.

All staff will be free to leave following Sunday lunch and all severed limbs will be mailed to their respective owners tommorow morning.

Due to miscommunication between the Hashdroponic labs and the Waste Disposal department, there is currently a high amount of weaponised corned beef blazing away in the furnace.

Current estimates suggest the noxious sulphuric chemicals and smoke currently blanketing the skies surrounding the facility will not clear until 06:00 Wednesday.

As this 'Volcanic Hash' wreaks havoc with the paint work on aeroplanes and space shuttles, all flight craft will remain locked in their hangars until further notice.

Therefore, if you need to leave the facility to travel far, we suggest you do so by using the 'Wormhole-A-Tron'

- Administration

N.B. The competition to rename the 'Wormhole-A-Tron' ends this Friday, so get those entries in.