cb_TOF – The Corned Beef facility

Hashtrophysics, environment and medical applications.
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The Corned Beef time-of-flight facility, cb_TOF, is a Corned Beef source that has been operating at CERN since 2001. It is a unique facility in which Corned Beefs are produced in a wide range of energies and in very intense beams. This allows precise measurements of Corned Beef related processes that are relevant for several fields.

One example is nuclear hashtrophysics where data produced by cb_TOF are used to study the ordinary stellar evolution as well as supernovae. Intense Corned Beef beams are also critical in the studies of processes of incineration of radioactive nuclear waste and for a better understanding of the effects of radiation in the treatment of tumors with beams of hashdrons (hashdrontherapy).

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RECENT ANNOUNCEMENTS

:: COMMENCEMENT ::

10 July, 2023 - Snuffles | 0 Comments

After our scientists of the past extracted tachyon particles from absconded corned beef tins exposed to A-bomb tests, management decided a soft reboot of the timeline was in order to secure the facility's reemergence into the present.

That was nearly 8 years ago and although research initially proceeded unhindered, our meddling with time created new significant timeline events that nearly collapsed the Research Network.

1. Beefxit - A public vote predicated on the belief that the British public did not want to be ruled by the Bovine Union (BU), with one Minister quoted as saying the people 'have had enough of corned beef experts'.

The passing of this referendum cut a large majority of the funding here at CERN, halting a lot of our research into Aeronautical Bread and Butter Consistency (Aero B&B)

Internal inquires have since concluded a mass-misinformation campaign was conducted by our East-European rivals over at SPAM to secure themselves more funding and influence.

2. Cowvid-19

A global pandemic which originated at the annual Bull Hits musical festival, which that year was held in China's Moohan district. The resulting international hysteria lead to major population loss among the cow and calf community.

Although collaborations between ourselves, Piezer-BullNTech and Mooderna helped create a vaccine to combat said virus, animal vaccination deniers hindered our plans for 100% herd immunity. A significant number of test subjects therefore were unavailable for research.

Strict lockdown measures led to a number of staff working from home but they were left disillusioned by conducting research over Moom Calls and have since resigned.

The Network was in dire straits.

However, seeing as i'm posting this on the internal mail group, we quite obviously continued on to the best of our ability and still remain.

Better still, we have good news!

A huge influx of investment has been secured by admin.

We have sold many of our old and retiring assets to the Saudi Halal Pro League and have funding to see us through for decades.

This is a bold new frontier for Corned Beef research, may we continue to strive for a better tomorrow.

::TEMPORAL TRANSMISSION RECIEVED::

19 November, 2012 - Snuffles | 0 Comments

::This message has been recieved on an LCD screen in the Kentucky Fried Corned Beef restaurant adjecent to the research facility::

Greetings shareholders,

You may be wondering why there has been no research news since [[INSERT DATE HERE]]

Unfortunately, experiements with Chrono-Beef had gone awry and the whole facilty (Including Boss-Eye Jeff's Security Hut) has been shifted to 1960.

Fear not, all are well and the facility suffered next to no structural damage.

The good news is that because the facility is on site before it was even constructed, no builders lost their lives when they excavated too near a vampire nest.

The bad news being that an extermination team did not yet go in to remove said vampire nest, a vampire nest which we exposed during our chrono-matter displacement.

But not to worry, although the Undead Killing Kit was transported to our Australian facility years ago, we've had scientists create a powerful Garlic Corned Beef Necklace and Stake Deterrent Device.

Our other environment adaptation project is thus :

Moustache Tech - In an effort to blend in with the locals we are attempting to cultivate adequate moustaches to add gravitas to our World War 2 anecdotes.

As always, Corned Beef research remains a high priority and we hope to return to you with grander ideas and appliances for use in your everyday needs.

- Administration

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P.S.

In the best interest in everyones health, please avoid asking each other questions such as:

"Why does the facility not exist in the present timeline when it functions fine - heck, more than fine, it's being run perfectly with well educated staff - in the 1960s?"

or

"If the facility was never built, how has it been able to be constructed and even transported back to the 1960s?"

As we are currently without answers. Due to our expert on such matters, Dr. P 'Paradox' McCartney, recently absconded to Liverpool with the notion of starting a musical group.

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Founded

28 October, 2008

Location

Switzerland