Hey dude. You know, on the way over here I tried to think of something to say. Some, righteous wisdom, thought it would get you back to your old self, but in the end, i guess things wouldn't work like that. As much as i wish this was just boogie boarding in the shallow end, its not. Love is a strange thing dude. I mean, we're all primates right? And our social bonds can be, mega gnarly to the max. And I am so incredibly sorry that you have to deal with bogusnes at this level. I want you to know, i am here for you. Whatever you need, I am your main monkey. I am the ape, to get you through this scrape and through is the way to go homeslice, through is the way to go. You know, we have this tendency to ignore wackness until it festers and eats us alive and sometimes you try to go around it bit let me tell you something dude. Go through it. Process it. Break it down. Examine it. Its like, hopping on rambi And busting into a bonus level. Its the only way to rebuild yourself in a healthy way. It took me a long time to learn that after my divorce. I mean look im not trying to sound like a shrink or know-it-all im honestly just here to be your homeboy but if your not ready to rap about it right this sec, that's chill, but know that I've got your back. You are in an extremely heinous and uncool situation. I love you, and i want you to live your best life possible. You know, i don't know if it will help, but my people have this parable about divorce. It was, ah yeah, um,

"Woah dudes my name's funky kong. My bodacious jumbo barrel will take you to any point on the island. Most unfortunately, it will only send you to a place you have already been to, which is a complete and total bummer, let me tell you. Yo gorillas, go see old man cranky he can help you out. You dudes need lives or something? Jungle hijinx is the place for that. If you guys see candy on your way out, tell her i will give her surfing lessons anytime. Yeah crucial kongs, if you feel the need for speed, jump in and like, jet. Looking good kongs. Buckle up and blast off, you're outta here. Looking good dudes. Im Funky the main monkey and my new funky's flights can take you anywhere on crocodile isle, provided you have already checked it out before, of course. Cruise over to the barrel man, and ride the skies. Come jump into my jet and jive, Clive. Go get that K. Rool. He just ain't cool. Awesome playing kongs. Everything is cool guys. We're looking ready to ride and catch some clouds. Drop in with the other kongs dudes. We're all here to help you guys. All flights clear dudes. Choose and cruise. Checking me out again huh? Catch you later dudes. Wicked! Shes all tuned up and ready to go. Way cool. Pick a flight and you're outta sight. Pick it and kick it kongs, you're a-ok. Remember, Funky's the monkey. I fly 24 hours you know. Take it easy kongs. Call again good buddies. Stay loose guys. Not enough, man. I got a new surfboard to pay for. Oh no, looks like you need to score more to score. Tough break kongs, shes too cool for your pocket. Sorry dudes, that one costs more to run than you've got. What a bummer eh? Try to find a few more tokens y'know? Uncool. That's costly cruising, and you ain't in the picture guys. Yo dixie what's happening. I've set up my smoking new boat on this island, but that's not all, I've also brought your excellent cousin kitty kong along for the ride. He may be a toddler, but if you let him throw you upwards, you'll almost reach the stars. Oh yeah, and if you throw him, his humongous body can smash the floor of some areas, trust me. What's up? Have you got anything new i can use? Hey-hey Funky's in the zone. Cash is not a problem for kongs, because my boats you can loan. I am the tower of power, too sweet to be sour. Yo hombres, got anything new yet? If you see that loser at the big house, tell him to keep it down at night. I've got to get my beauty sleep. Any idea who that major dweeb who lives at the top of that tower is? Hey, those heinous boss men have a hoard of items. If you find anything, bring it back here, huh? Freak out, Freak out, spare parts for my boats are what its all about. Uh-uh yeah. What we're needing is some sort of spare part situation, ya dig? Wicked. I only need a few more parts to get my vehicles going. Keep an eye out for those items kongs, im a few parts short of my next invention. A patch? Oh yeah,this is just what i needed. Hang on for a couple of seconds kongs, and I'll get you a cool new tub for you to rub-a-dub-dub. Woah, bogus stocking kongs, get my crate back in here before that clumsy bizarre part sits on the rocks. Hey kongs. A ski? Not too shabby, problem is though, im gonna need his partner before i can get you on your way. Why hey, you've got two skis. I've now got all the parts to make you the ultimate ride. What right there kongs, while i get you my latest and greatest boat yet. Bonkers. I've built in a cool new turbo feature that'll be sure to take it to new heights, just press the white button. Hey. Someones told you I've been a bit busy lately? Well it's something a bit special. If you could find all the DK coins, then you could put them down as a deposit for my ultimate ride. Come back once you've got some more kongs, I'll keep you informed on how close to the jackpot you are. Still 25 coins short of the deposit for my top gear. Unbelievable type of a situation, you've found all of the DK coins. Im sorry kongs, i didn't think you'd find them all new to show you. Hey kongs, just kidding you know. May i introduce you to my finest and coolest creation yet, the Funky Copter. Time to catch some rays. Don't stay away for too long,huh? Bust a move, got a groove. Gotta go kongs, surf's up. Take it real easy kongs. Hang five kongs. Catch you later kongs. I'll be seeing you later kongs."

Yeah its kinda long, but i thought it was appropriate. Hmm me and you dude. We're gonna make it through. You are a radical person and you deserve the most smoking life possible. We all love you.