Recent reviews by ____SaaaasHQaaaaaaaaa_____

Хорошая штука для обоев!

Best play FOREVR!!!!

Вначале небольшой гайд для новичков. Counter-Strike: Global Offensive – это многопользовательский онлайн-шутер от первого лица. Дата выхода КС ГО – август 2012 года. Прошло уже более четырёх лет, но игра остаётся популярной и сегодня: различные турниры и соревнования собирают многомиллионную аудиторию из разных стран.

Основная идея игры – проведение контртеррористической операции в отдельной локации. В операции участвуют террористы и спецназ. Террористы должны взорвать бомбу, удержать заложников или перещёлкать спецназ, а спецназ должен не дать террористам осуществить задуманное.

So the missus is out, the weather is ♥♥♥♥♥, and there will not be a world cup until next year.
But what the hell are you going to do? You can't just have a ♥♥♥♥, shower, and shave to do your tax returns.
You gotta have your priorities straight, you gotta play those cool kid games, especially after bed time.
Without strapping some apparatus to your head and over-reacting for 15 minutes, Cry of Fear is a genuinely shocking visual novel that will test your patience, your morals, and most of all your skills in a multi-layered story with dynamic characters and enviroments.
I prefer the multiplayer character I created who I named Officer Bengelwengel because otherwise he would have no name and that would make me sad :(
You play Simon, a hoodied and whiny middle-class-cis-gendered-scum-blood-sucking-demon-nutter-butter who happens to be chased by his imagination, quite literally. After surviving a potentially fatal car accident with a pizzaman, and taking pictures of white X's, our good pal Simon is trapped in his own mind, a typical reality for those who have ever had a mental breakdown before, or has an account on tumblr.
I will have you know that the cellphone is the most captivating character of the game, it tells you hints and worries about you as you try to find your way back home. Sadly there is no apps on it so playing angry birds while psychological manifestations tear chunks of your flesh off may have to wait.
I recommended this to my grandfather who then kicked me out of his house and didn't talk to me for a couple months, this is proof that this game is not only so powerful it makes people react violently but also makes me consider whether or not this is the Citizen Kane of video games, or as I prefer, The Toxic Avenger of video games. But in the end this review was pointless but do not fret, at least you read this nonsense to kill time before the missus comes home for a good shaggin' Glad I could be of use, bugger off.

POLYGON REVIEW


I called the pizzaman and got the usual: anchovies and spinach with extra cheese, but this time the pizzaman got a flat tire on the way to my house, keeping the pizza warm by sitting on it, he is now waiting for another pizzaman to pick up my pizza, but imagine if it was a smokin' hot pizzawoman?! But they would never do that, even though they have been starving me for 45 minutes See how screwed up the establishment is?! So to kill time and calories, I will write this long and idiotic review to explain why you chocolate muffins need to buy this game for the whopping price of $0.00.
Blacklight : Retribution : The Empire Strikes Back is a visual novel packed to the brim with cutie-patooties waiting to meet a new upperclassmen to show them the ropes, one of my favorite girls is the one I named Jingles, and that is all I have to say about her.
The gameplay is rather standard, it's a typical dating simulator with racing elements, where you have to drive a go-kart around a circular track and throw banana peels and other nonsenical ♥♥♥♥ at others for your own sadistic amusement. Sadly, this game has none of these things and is in fact a first-person shooter with RPG elements where you save princesses, level up , loot dead people, level up, and most of all waste your time to the point where you can skip existential crisis and important events!
Jack Black makes a wonderful entrance as the narrator, narrating your actions as you hop across platform to platform and throw banana peels at unaware baddies, it was quite a lot of fun, even though I get enjoyment out of jingling car keys at my unamused cat.
Now, if there is one thing wrong with this game, implying everything else is ideal and factually good, and any opinionated statements or subjective claims will be met with ostracized glares and disembowelment, is the games portrayal of women, I have come across 0 girl gamers on this game, and you can only be aroused by military hardware before things become tedious and makes my immature urges rear their balding little heads again. In addition, there is no color pink, which is unfair because space robot marines should be able to be colored fluroescently so they can represent christmas trees or someone with no fashion sense. But I digress, this game is worth your money because I said so and you came to ME for advice, therefore I am right, you are wrong, I am jesus without the beard or the gear but I am 100% right and 100% unbiased.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE COCA-COLA COMPANY™

FUN. FUN. FUN.

Only with friends

OH ♥♥♥♥, I was supposed to go to bed 10 hours ago, OH WELL CONTINUE PLAYING.