Dogs are basically four-legged opinions with tails that act like Wi-Fi signals, constantly connecting to emotions no one else can see, while their brains run on a mix of ancient instincts and whatever invisible agreement says that socks are the most important objects in the universe. One second they’re staring at a wall like it just told them a secret, the next they’re sprinting across the room because a leaf outside moved suspiciously, clearly part of a larger conspiracy involving the mailman and the vacuum cleaner. Their sense of time is completely made up—five minutes feels like a year, but a whole afternoon vanishes if there’s a nap involved—and somehow they remember the exact sound of a treat bag from three houses away while forgetting why they walked into a room. They communicate in a language made of head tilts, dramatic sighs, and the occasional spin in place like they’re buffering reality, and yet it all makes perfect sense to them.

Clouds drift across the sky like quiet thoughts that forgot where they were going, stretching and folding into shapes that almost make sense until you look too closely and they slip away again. They gather in soft heaps, then unravel into long, thin whispers, as if the sky is practicing handwriting it will never finish. Sometimes they look heavy enough to fall, like they’re carrying secrets too big to hold, and other times they’re so light they seem like echoes of something that already disappeared. You can stare at them for a while and start seeing patterns—faces, animals, entire scenes—and just when your brain convinces you it understands, the wind nudges everything slightly out of place and the meaning dissolves. It’s like watching a story that refuses to be told properly, constantly rewriting itself in slow motion. And even though they never stop moving, they never seem in a hurry either

Hi, I'm with the Donald Trump Administration and I am a part of the outreach program TOUCHING CHILDREN, EMOTIONALLY* and I wanted to let you know that we understand what 6 7 means. Please stop sending this intolerable thing to other people, otherwise ICE will be at your door.

*We were forced to add this bit after the church said we were copying them.

We hope this will entice you to return, but if it doesn't, the third package contains all of those previous videos, but also a flash game titled Minions: The Rise of Minussy and Gru, which follows the titular Minions and their new leader Minussy in their attempt to make Gru return to his villainous ways, and only you as the ever faithful Minion you are can assist in such a task! The cost of this, however, is 78.99 USD, and if this still doesn't entice you, you can call us back at 1-800-HARDMINIONS toll free to talk to another one of our representatives.

We're begging you to return, please, you've funded us for the last 5 years since no one else in their right mind would pay for such a subscription, we can lower it to Canadian currency if that will help. Please, I have a family of 10 to feed and Mohammad, my youngest, really could use a nice pair of shoes, his old ones were ate by rabid dogs and he truly was grateful that you paid for his last pair.

If you do not care for my family and the other customer service reps that are surviving off your payments, we will e-mail the list of things you watched to your friends and family, this is your final warning, Momo123456789.