WARNING! This user is on the watchlist and under heavy surveillance by the CIA, NSA and FBI for the following felonies:
- 2019: Arrested for hoarding 67 traffic cones in a one-bedroom apartment.
- 2020: Convicted of attempting to sell “haunted bread” on eBay.
- 2021: Wanted for replacing all elevator music in the city with accordion solos.
- 2023: Charged with illegal pigeon whispering at a public park.
- 2024: Caught red-handed orchestrating an underground monopoly of bubble wrap popping contests.
- 2025: Tax evasion 50237