Recent reviews by Zach

• Spent $130 on a mic that’s worth at most $40
  
• Sets gain way too high, earrapes his teammates
  
• You hear his TV, his neighbor’s dog, and sirens half a mile away

• Self-heals whenever he drops below 50
  
• Doesn’t know how shove works
  
• Wastes 3 pipebombs when there’s no horde
  
• Complains about Versus Mode being toxic

• 8000 hours
  
• Zero communication, text or voice
  
• Ragequits the first time he gets incapped despite rushing ahead of the team

• Constantly playing ‘The floor is lava’
  
• Uses Bile Jar just to goomba up out of bounds
  
• Jumps off the apartment in No Mercy, usually dying for it
  
• Fewest infected killed by the end of the campaign

NO BREAD FOR YOU. YOU SHALL LIVE OFF ALCOHOL WHICH IS JUST LIQUID BREAD AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY. JOIN THE ARMY AND CHARGE RECKLESSLY INTO ENEMY MANGONELS' LINE OF FIRE, IT IS YOUR DESTINY. THOSE IRON DEPOSITS AREN'T GONNA LIBERATE THEMSELVES NOW ARE THEY