My name is MegaColon and I am the world's strongest human. I also have a darling daughter who is a 400lb bodybuilder named Frank, just so you know. Transitioned just in time for the olympics.

I take gaming quite seriously, do not mess with me when we are in the virtual arena (or any arena) if you want to maintain your mental, physical, digital, and metaphysical composure. I will fold you like a leaflet and leave you eatin dirt till the morticians arrive and scrape you off the E-pavement. I'm just that good.

Someone once beat me in a match of Quake Live (yes he was cheating, I could tell) to which I responded with a spinning back-kick to the spine, shattering his C2-C6 cervical disks, which I then followed up with a midair overhead suplex into the pavement, where his legs wrapped backwards so hard he curbstomped himself.

They call me the hunger game because I got a 7000 calorie diet and you look like just enough carbs. They call me all kinds of things. They call me The Sandman because I'll put your ass to sleep faster than you can say 'ALL NATURAL, BABY!'

To top off all these incredible feats of superhuman powers and prowess, not limited to: the physical, mental, and psionic realms -- I also am a living aimbot. What are you again? O yea, living bean counter. Let that sink in...

Q: Why did you join DougieGang?
A: few people know this, but the dougie is a very powerful maneuver, only a handful of super people can perform it correctly, and by achieving the dougie you progress towards further enlightenment and atlas-stone lifting. I don't know the true motives of this group but it is my goal to spread the message

Q: How do I get from here (wimpy pathetic loser) to where you are (supermale, literal defender of humanity)
A:
1. exercise, i find kickers and twisters work well for me.
2. become the world's 2nd strongest human (I cannot be surpassed, but it may be argued I am no longer human. If the latter is true, go with 1st place)
3. collect all 7 booya stones
4. use the booya stones to gain insight into the inner workings of the multiverse and enter the big cube in the middle. You'll know what I mean when you see it.
5. Enter (and exit) the nonagon infinity
6. eat an entire atlas stone
7. trade in your booya stones for the secret recipe for chick fil a sauce (very valuable, also keeps the booya stones in circulation for the next MegaColon).
8. arm wrestle obama
9. good job, you are officially the big man.

Q: israel vs parmesan, who would win.
A: I think in a straight up death battle, parmesan is very powerful, but if israel gets, let's say, 60 years of prep time, it'll be pretty close. My booya-powered hallucination of a lawyer doesn't allow me to see the outcome of this battle because he predicts I'll try to change history and destroy the timecube. He's lucky I don't floor him in every universe at once (and I have on several occasions), but I usually trust his advice on these things. Plus rebuilding the timecube isn't very fun, it takes a few hours and is boring.


Born to game: Forced to wipe
like if parmesean need to chill and start vibin
goodbye muhammad
I CAN'T GET AN ERECTION AND I'M TWENTY
It’s not gay if we’re both crying
Gettting over it with Joe Bernstein


bow down to tha pimp