i like to infuse the soil with my blood so it attracts you to me like pheremones

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I hope you like the gnomes I made of you and me scissoring that I put in your garden

what can i say. the ladies love me... but not as much as i love them

HANDS OFF FIG

gosh i really hope there's no one in your life at the moment. the thought of slurping you up through a straw is quite debilitating to my daily life. i think my psychologist is going to place a restraining order on me (it's okay though, i know his home address). can we make out? i don't mind if it's through the straw. you're gorgeous, btw. what's your MySpace username??

i walked into a local tattoo shop today and strangely enough got turned me away... they said some stunning lady had been put on a nationwide ban list for ALL tattoo shops. i didn't even know that was possible?! i asked if it was somehow me who had been put on the list, but it wasn't. a devastatingly sexy woman (singlehandedly leading feminism by getting banned nationwide) had asked for my face on her body multiple times in 147 stores on the west coast of the country. so i thought that was absolutely bonkers that she was banned for expressing her love and attraction, so i'm headed to the federal parliament in Canberra and will be kicking up a right fuss on the floor of the Senate (hopefully to thunderous applause). if they refuse me i will be calling them sexist and homphobic and also bigoted towards the beauty of one Western Australian women. what has this country come to?!

Currently going on an Australian tour of standing on the corner of city streets wearing a big sign (like the one Bruce Willis wears in Die Hard 3) with a picture of your face and the message: "Help Me Tell Her I Want To Have Her Children (Not Sexual, I Just Really Like Her And Hope Her Lineage Continues)". Let me know when you're free to meet and I can check my schedule.

HEY CAN YOU SIGN MY TITS PLEASE

FAQ: Why if Fig so attractive?
A: There is no quantifiable answer to this question. Scientists have studied the so-called "Attraction To Fig" phenomena, yet they have been unable to formulate a concrete reason.
There are a large amount of hypotheses that exist around this phenomenon, and for many Fig is a source of bemusement.
Some hypothesise it is physical attraction. Any woman who lays eyes on Fig gushes. Any man within 10m begins to furiously masturbate. Any adult will immediately feel a rush of endorphins, and the subsequent reaction will leave them speechless.
Others hypothesise it is Fig's superior intellect. Fig can enrapture an audience with the way she eloquently tells someone to kill themselves. Many are in shock and awe, and there have been many Wikihow guides that attempt to explain how to follow in Fig's magnanimous footsteps.
Some simply say it is fate, and that where Fig walks, arousal and love will follow.

boutta dial 000 to tell them that you're a menace to society (me) for being so HOT and SEXY!!!!

the mf GOAT

brains and beauty everlasting

oh hey~ [trips over and out of my bag flies 100s of drawings of ME♡EMMA wedding cakes, tombstones and floral decorations] ♥♥♥♥ aha you didn't need to see that

pretty profile for a pretty lady

If you had a Nokia phone, I would be filling up your mailbox constantly with death threats, viruses, and hatred.

if you had a nokia phone i would be filling up your mailbox constantly with messages of appreciation, well wishes and love

+rep goes by craig

+rep meth god

-Rep female.

I hate you.

I am going to approach the museum of natural wonders and ask them to make a collection dedicated to you, because you are a natural wonder. Hope this message finds you well.

I have a carnal, primal desire for you. Please kiss me.

YEEEOOOOOOWWWWW

-rep You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on.

-rep 0 family all in grave very dead

uwu

stimky

Lots of fibre, potassium, antioxidant content can help control blood pressure, aid digestion, help with your weight loss journey, protects your heart, prevents constipation, cures reproductive problems and may also support strong joints.

Come ere I'm gonna eat ye. I'm bigger than you, I'm higher up the food chain. Get in ma belly

I will never stop ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ulting you

+++rep she's my honeypie cherry blossom queen

10/10 profile

+rep

-rep sent me an unsolicited ♥♥♥♥ pic

L got rolled

÷ rep WTF did you just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ say about me, you little ♥♥♥♥♥? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. Im trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the ♥♥♥♥ out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ words. You think you can get away with saying that ♥♥♥♥ to me over the Internet? I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ idiot. I will ♥♥♥♥ fury all over you and you will drown in it. Ur ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dead, kiddo.

-rep autism

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-rep called me a ranga, even tho she was right

hey screw you man, you deserved the Paladins BAN for harassing me

-rep mfker left me alone on pc :(

i have no CLUE who this is ha see what i did there...

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+rep shows good anime tiddy