Majic Moostapholees machine:

>>Good luck. You'll need it.
>>If you go camping, beware of evil intent.
>>Stay home, read a book.
>>Do not throw glasses if you live in a stone house.
>>You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
>>If you need to get the point, sit on a tack.
>>The best marmalade is made from forbidden fruit.
>>A house without a toilet is uncanny.
>>If you're on high cliff, don't jump to conclusion.
>>Isn't it about time you got a job?
>>You're wasting your life.
>>Consider a career in politics.
>>Running behind a car is exhausting.
>>If you live in a glass house, change in the basement.
>>Two wrongs do not make a right, but 3 lefts do.
>>Do not argue with the person packing your parachute.
>>When things go wrong, don't follow along.
>>Don't forget to change your socks.
>>Confession is good for the soul but bad for your reputation.
>>Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
>>If you put your face in fruit drink, you may get punch in nose.
>>To make life interesting, believe everything you hear.
>>Consider trying less hard.
>>You're a winner. No really. You are.
>>Have you considered running away from your problems?
>>The smarter you think you are, the less likely it is that you're right.
>>Get over yourself. Jerk.
>>The answer to your question is: maybe.
>>Don't be so self-centered.
>>You need a haircut.
>>Before you act, check with your mother.
>>Get a life.
>>Help! I'm trapped inside this machine!
>>All signs point to: no chance.
>>Just give up.
>>You're smart and handsome, just like your mom always says you are.
>>If people flatter you they're probably lying.
>>Beware of angry men carrying weapons.
>>Consider this: no turkey ever voted for an early Christmas.
>>Bully is as bully does.
>>You're doomed. Sorry.
>>Regular showers are a good thing.
>>No one likes a whiner.
>>Believe the best of everybody. It saves you so much trouble.
>>By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.
>>However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the
results.
>>It is always wise to look ahead, but difficult to look further than you
can see.
>>What exactly is your problem?
>>You're not all that.
>>Consider the possibility that no one likes you.
>>You might as well keep trying. It might make you feel better.
>>If you don't try, you can't fail.
>>Travel broadens the mind, if you have one to begin with.
>>All signs point to: you suck.
>>Surprisingly, you may succeed in the end.
>>What you really need is some sort of medication.
>>Peeing your own pants only keeps you warm for a short while.
>>Bad advice causes mistakes, then laughter.
>>You can definitely fool some of the people some of the time.
>>If your house is burning you might as well try to stay warm.
>>Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.
>>You won't get anywhere if you think you're already there.
>>It's a good time to stop waffling. Maybe.
>>The weather pays no attention to criticism.
>>If you expect nothing, you won't be disappointed.
>>Whatever it is you're looking for, it'll be in the last place you look.
>>When in charge, think. When in trouble, delegate. When in doubt,
mumble.
>>Nothing is impossible for a man who doesn't have to do it himself.
>>Don't mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
>>Forgive your enemies - it really annoys them.
>>If you're on time, people will think you have nothing important to do.
>>Stand up to be seen. Speak up to be heard. Shut up to be appreciated.
>>80% of people consider themselves above average.
>>Keep trying.
>>The greatest danger could be your own stupidity.
>>Avoid taking unnecessary gambles. Lucky numbers: 12, 32, 28, 31, 44.
>>You may attend a party where strange customs prevail.
>>You are almost there.
>>Soon you will have some new clothes.
>>Don't trust fortune tellers.
>>Just imagine you'll succeed.
>>Everything is not yet lost.
>>Tomorrow will be a nice day.
>>You should go to bed early tonight.
>>Today is the first day of the rest of your life, such as it is.
>>Don't blow out another's candle to make yours shine brighter.
>>There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it
over.
>>Facts don't stop existing just because they're ignored.
>>To err is human, to blame someone else even more so.
>>If life gives you lemons, give life a raspberry.
>>If life gives you lemons consider going into the citrus business.
>>Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
>>To know nothing is bad. To not wish to know anything, worse.
>>The pen is mightier than the sword, especially if properly sharpened and
in the hands of a well trained ninja.
>>A man's home is his castle, only less resistant to catapults.
>>Big words prove nothing except that you have a big mouth.
>>If you're a real jerk all the time, people might not notice you're
useless.
>>No plan survives contact with the enemy. Plan accordingly.
>>If at first you don't succeed, consider giving up.
>>Today, tell someone you love them. You might get lucky.
>>It's only going to get worse.
>>You will be involved in a fight soon.
>>Don't bring your wife to a bun fight.
>>Being rude is no substitute for being right.
>>The reality is: the customer is not always right.
>>If you don't succeed, you run the risk of failure.
>>A bird in the hand is better than a bird on the roof, unless it has
really sharp claws.
>>Right now, somewhere out there, someone is making out with a girl.
>>It's hard to prophecy, especially about the future.
>>Do you know who your friends are?
>>Boxing is a gentleman's sport, but only if gentlemen play it.
>>You're not paranoid - everyone really does hate you.
>>They say they're your friends, but they laugh at you behind your back.
>>You're not as dumb as you look. That would be impossible.
>>In later life, you will find somewhere you fit in and belong. Jail.
>>Have you considered getting plastic surgery? You should.
>>One day you will be very famous, like many serial killers.
>>Let's hope you will grow into your face.
>>Your face is your fortune. You will live in poverty all your life.
>>What you looking at ♥♥♥♥♥!