My GF told me I have a "perfect ♥♥♥♥" and she has no clue I bought it.

We hooked up for the last night. Afterward, she was literally gushing about how "perfect" the size and shape is. She thinks I just hit the genetic lottery.

I just smiled and played it cool, acting like it’s no big deal.

Inside I was thinking: No ♥♥♥♥. I literally flew all the way to a surgical hospital in Chongqing to build this thing. It cost me $14k and two months of absolute hell, no jerking off, no sex. It better be perfect.

I didn't lose my ♥♥♥♥, I just upgraded to a "fake ♥♥♥♥." Long live the fake ♥♥♥♥!

While cleaning out the kitchen pantry I (24f) was dusting the top shelf (which I can’t see on top of), and noticed the clanging of jars up there. So I got out the step ladder and up there is fourteen jars filled to the brim with diarrhea and sealed with lids. The consistency in the jars ranges from brown water to a thick black sludge (like a mixture of blended slugs), and the jars are arranged in order from most watery to most viscous. I only know it’s diarrhea in the jars because I made the mistake of opening out and the stench is unmistakably the same as what he leaves behind in the bathroom. The smell was so bad I can still feel it burning the back of my throat.

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Spreading the doge profile after profile

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┃█ ur adopted. █┃
┃█ -Mom&Dad █┃
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☆★ Merry Christmas With Rudolf The Rednosed Reindeer ☆★