Captain chimp
Veteran, Scholar, World Edging Champion 2009
Vidin, Vidin, Bulgaria
My name is David Michaelson. I’m 53 years old, a lifelong gamer from Bulgaria, and I’ve spent the last 35 years submerged in the haze of my own choices. My mind, once sharp, is now deteriorating under the weight of Discongulated Neurosis, a disease triggered by years of macro-dosing LSD. The doctors tell me I have no more than four months to live if an experimental surgery doesn’t succeed. The clock is ticking, and the shadow grows closer.

There’s little left for me now, but one last thing: I’ll spend these final months gaming, living in a digital world where nothing feels real and everything can be escaped. I’m reaching out to anyone who might still care, to anyone who might want to share the last of my time, a "hot girlfriend" you might say. There’s little hope left for me, but I’m still here, still fighting.

If anyone is out there who can understand, who can share this brief moment before it’s all gone, I’m waiting. Time is the only thing I have left, and I’ll take whatever fragments of it I can get.
View more info
My name is David Michaelson. I’m 53 years old, a lifelong gamer from Bulgaria, and I’ve spent the last 35 years submerged in the haze of my own choices. My mind, once sharp, is now deteriorating under the weight of Discongulated Neurosis, a disease triggered by years of macro-dosing LSD. The doctors tell me I have no more than four months to live if an experimental surgery doesn’t succeed. The clock is ticking, and the shadow grows closer.

There’s little left for me now, but one last thing: I’ll spend these final months gaming, living in a digital world where nothing feels real and everything can be escaped. I’m reaching out to anyone who might still care, to anyone who might want to share the last of my time, a "hot girlfriend" you might say. There’s little hope left for me, but I’m still here, still fighting.

If anyone is out there who can understand, who can share this brief moment before it’s all gone, I’m waiting. Time is the only thing I have left, and I’ll take whatever fragments of it I can get.
View more info
Level
75
Years of Service
350 XP
Currently Offline
Profile Awards  2
Badges  44
Games  160
Inventory   
Screenshots  18
Workshop Items  3
Reviews  70
Guides  2
Artwork  3
Groups  2
Special needs Islamic gamers
23 Members
Cradle of Control
4 Members
My Specs
Monitor: Emerson SpongeBob SquarePants 13" CRT Television

Headset: TSh-4M

Keyboard: KB Gear Learning Keyboard Featuring Disney's Winnie The Pooh

Mouse: VW Beetle Sports Car Mouse Wireless Mouse

PC: Dell Dimension 433SV

Processor: 1.7-GHz Intel Pentium 4 (Fastest processor in all of Bulgaria)

Ram: 256 MB memory

GPU:64-MB Nvidia GeForce2 MX graphics accelerator

HDD: 37.25-GB hard drive

Webcam: RED V-RAPTOR XL [X] w/canon ef 70-200 mm lens

Desk gun: Glock 19 Gen 5 w/switch

Personal specs :seriousins:

Height: 6'7

Weight: 275lbs

Bench press: 550lbs

Net-worth: $9'000'000'000

TIME Magazine Man of the year 1938

Total owed in child support: $0 (all of my baby mama's have gone missing :lunar2019coolpig:)

Misdemeanor charges: 14

Felonies: One

Years spent behind bars (so far): 1
Favorite Group
Special needs Islamic gamers - Public Group
Special Needs Islamic Gamers: Embracing Diversity, Building Community
23
Members
0
In-Game
5
Online
15
In Chat
Artwork Showcase
Me and the Boys
1 2
+ 1
Awards Showcase
1
1
1
17
16
13
10
8
8
7
103
Awards Received
11
Awards Given
Review Showcase
Real Pool 3D - Poolians
2.2 Hours played
This game is a masterpiece. The audio, the visuals, the gameplay and the characters. The dialog made me cry. I've played this game twice already and both times I had a completely different experience. It's beautiful, and I will continue playing this game until the end of me. I bought a whole new gaming PC, two GTX 1080 TIs, an i9 7900X, 128 gigabytes of RAM, making sure I can play this wonder at 8k 144 FPS. I don't just recommend this game, I'm telling you to play it. If you don't, you are missing out on the reason humans exist. Every single person should play this game. I will fight wars to make sure people can continue playing this game. I have stayed in my room since this came out, which is the day I wrote this, and I haven't talked to anyone except the NPCs in this game. I think this is the next step in human evolution. We will eventually all be plugged into a machine, like in the movie, "The Matrix", where this beautiful masterpiece will be our life. Every day, we will wake up in heaven. Every night, we will go to sleep on the copy-pasted textures on the ground. That soon will be the glorious reality, the reality we are meant to be in. Download this game right now, it should only take you a second, and play it. Enjoy it. Live it.
Guide Showcase
Captain chimp's Guides
How to play War Thunder in accordance with the islamic beliefs
By Captain chimp
How to overcome a Factorio addiction
By Captain chimp
2
Guides
3
Followers
Screenshot Showcase
<3
1
+ 14
Recent Activity
19.9 hours past 2 weeks
97 hrs on record
last played on 30 Apr
Stardew Valley
Achievement Progress   24 of 49
+19
Review 1
73 hrs on record
last played on 20 Apr
Ready or Not
Achievement Progress   10 of 66
+5
Screenshot 1 Review 1
880 hrs on record
last played on 18 Apr
Kerbal Space Program
A Grand Plan
100 XP
Review 1
Comments
76561198719858661
3 Apr @ 1:23pm 
stop catfishing bro. we know you're not actually a monkey. This is whats wrong with kids these days, going on the internet and being all these fake made up things. get a life🤣🤣🤣
Zac Starfire
2 Apr @ 8:28am 
Mr. Morden: What do YOU want? Ambassador Vir Cotto: I'd like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I want to look up into your lifeless eyes and wave like this. [waves] Ambassador Vir Cotto: Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Captain chimp? :steamsalty:
Zac Starfire
2 Apr @ 8:27am 
Greetings Captain chimp, MoistSkinSuit, and Scary Damien .... :honkhonk:

One Two Three, I declare a HOLY WAR on YOU !!!! :Perseverance: :Ra:



Church of Amen Aten Atom

In the 17th Chapter of St Luke it is written: "the Kingdom of God is within man" - not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people have the power - the power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then - in the name of democracy - let us use that power - let us all unite. :flag:
Sgt. Shaved Balls
31 Dec, 2025 @ 1:12pm 
You think you can have your cake and eat it too... then you're at the wrong ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ bakery buddy
Sgt. Shaved Balls
20 Jun, 2025 @ 12:49pm 
WHY WHY why are girls with stinky feet so fukcing hot just why i cant resist them i just wanna fall on my knees for them please im going insane i just wanna be forced to sniff their feet and socks and lick them clean after a month of no washing
Sgt. Shaved Balls
26 Apr, 2025 @ 2:08pm 
I can't stop touching myself to your profile