Jean-Paul Sartre says,

"The other is hell.”

This man is not a psychoanalyst, but it has happened often that painters, poets, novelists, dramatists, artists, have come to discover something which the so-called experts, who are supposed to discover it, go on and on and never find. Now, Freud never found out that the other is the hell – neither did Jung, nor Adler, nor the whole company that has followed them. Jean-Paul Sartre, in this small statement, says something so tremendously deep and profound, that it is a revelation – the other is hell. Why? – because you want to merge, melt, so that the two-ness disappears and you become one, unified… so that you can see out of the eyes of your beloved, and you can smell, and you can taste, and you can hear, not as a separate being, but as one with the person you love… so that both your centers jump into each other and become one center.

That is where Sartre’s profound insight comes in. He said, “The other is hell.” There is no way. The other remains the other, continues to remain the other. Whatsoever you do, everything fails. And it is not the fault of the other. The other is also trying to do everything possible, but you remain the other. Both are trying, but they are going to fail because what they are desiring is impossible. Their alonenesses are their very being.

No trespass is possible, you cannot trespass the being of another person. And it is good, because if people were able to trespass other people’s beings, then there would be no hope for humanity. Then there would be no hope for real freedom to exist, ever. … Because why should only one person trespass? – many can trespass you. Once it is possible, then many people can trespass you. Your purity, your sanctity, your individuality, will lose all meaning.

Sartre is right. He has understood the point, that the other is going to remain the other, and the loving heart wants to become one with the beloved. It is going to fail. And that is the misery of lovers. Nobody knows misery more than lovers. Nobody knows suffering more than lovers.

So when he says the other is hell, he is saying many things. He is saying there is no other hell – only that one experience: when you come so close, where you feel just one step more and the paradise is yours, but that one step you cannot cross.

The goal is in front of you. You are standing at the door, but somehow you cannot even knock on the door. It is there, waiting, not only waiting, welcoming, but somehow you are paralyzed. There is some invisible circle around the other person which you cannot cross, and at that moment you will become aware that the same circle is around you. The circles, when they come close, touch each other, but only at the circumferences of the circles. More than that is not possible. To turn back from the doors of paradise is hell. There is no other hell.

The stubborn reality of the other, that it is going to remain other, becomes your failure, becomes the other person’s failure too. And you cannot remain stuck at that point. Try to understand: in existence, in life, nothing remains static; either you go forward or you move away. Forward you cannot move – the invisible wall hits your head and there is no way – and nothing remains static, you start moving away… and the painful memory of failure, the painful memory of reaching so close and yet losing it….

The nearest you can come is in love, but love becomes anguish; ultimately love becomes anguish. Hence, blessed are those who have never loved, because they will never know that the other is the hell. To protect you from this experience all societies have tried, in some way or other, to prevent love happening – marriage is good. And of course, living with somebody for years, you start having a certain companionship, a certain need for the other. The other becomes a habit.