Now this is the story all about when
I almost got my house foreclosed, but won in the end
And I’d like to take a minute just sit right down
I’ll tell you how I became the best merchant this side of town

In Southern Pensee I was born and raised
Eating yummy food is how I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin’, relaxin’ all cool, doin’ whatever the hell I want ‘cause my dad is a tool
When my papa left me I thought, “This is no good!” Alone in my house is where I stood
Because my dad left me, that’s how me and Tear met. She told me “You’re opening up an item shop to pay off your dad’s debt.”

When I paid off the debt I begged and I pleaded
For Tear to stay with me, but she went off unimpeded.
But when I knocked over a barrel, she saw somethin’ rank
When she looked at my ledgers she screamed “THESE ARE ALL BLANK!"

A couple days later Arma came in
She said she was locking herself up at the Lapis Ruins
When we saved her, I felt a sense of great elation.
I opened my mouth and hollered “Yayifications!”

The next time those baddies mess with my friends
They’re going to find Caliou shootin’ magic at ‘em again
By the time he’s done, there won’t be anything left of ‘em
Get ready, ‘cause here comes the queen of capitalism!

When I finally get home at around five or six
I count all the money I made, a zillion pix!
But it looks like another day’s come to an end
So have a nice day, and we hope you come again!