Um…mmmm… I’m going to give you some pointers for the big night. So, if you're feeling adventurous, follow this.

You need a really nice robust tart, what we're looking for is a really nice broad, the most popular bird in the country, flexible body, semi firm breasts, but quite bouncy. And then just lift up, the skirt, and they get excited. So they look wet.

Open up the legs, two beautiful thighs, three fingers, get your hand and almost treat your hand like a sort of whisk, push your fingers in there, and it’s nice and moist, and smelling very fragrant. And that confirms, she is ready for up-and-down motion. That’s not rocket science, is it? That’s common sense.

Do not be scared about the bottom. Don’t worry, uh hehe heeee. That's classed as the dark brown Rolls-Royce part. It’s full of flavour. So treat it with some respect. And get really nice and comfortable. And then turn her over, and bang up the butt.

Hmmm, and this is where you need, a small knob. Imagine you're holding a tennis racket or a little whisk.

And then a confident grip, firm push. Push, push, push. Straight in the butt crack. And get it in there. And just up-and-down, up-and-down. It feels and sounds a little bit weird. And it’s so easy to cream in literally minutes. Now the secret now is to make sure that we definitely don’t go for a pee.

Hold back and wait. Um….mmm….mmm…

And then bang – out, bang, it pops out. You get to release it from the bottom. And just drip, a really nice white creamy liquid down the bottom to give it some form of decoration. Just almost like a little tap, and just let it drizzle out.

Now, don’t touch your face, especially your eyes. It smells like fish. It’s strong and slightly sour, but it’s creamy, and it’s packed with f**king grease. That smells amazing, that smells amazing.

Hahahaha xD

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Nobody has commented on your sorry little comments section for a year now. What a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ awful apricot.

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