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who the ♥♥♥♥ gave the horse sauvignon blanc again????

LIAR! HE'S AMERICAN

Just had the most intense conversation with my toaster. It started when I asked, “Are you even heating my bread, or am I just wasting my time?” The toaster didn’t respond, but the lights flickered. I thought maybe it was a glitch, but then it started playing jazz music. I’ve been sitting here for 45 minutes listening to smooth saxophones while my toast gets colder. I tried to get up, but my microwave, who’s been quiet this whole time, suddenly beeped and said, “You better not leave, or we’ll all stop working."

I’m starting to think I’m living in a kitchen-based reality show, and my appliances are plotting against me. I’m just waiting for the blender to get involved. Help.

What are you when you're not silly?

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