did I already say how much I LOVE Symboli Rudolf? because this woman will say the most devastatingly unfunny pun ever conceived while looking unbelievably attractive doing it. yesterday she looked at a broken pencil and said “well… pointless.” I almost passed away instantly. nobody should be allowed to have that much elegance while telling jokes that sound generated by an exhausted office dad at 2am. every pun lowers the room’s IQ by 15 points but raises her attractiveness by 40%. scientists need to study this phenomenon immediately. she’ll take one sip of coffee and hit you with “I guess this meeting has been… brewing nicely.” and then smile like she personally invented comedy. the worst part is she genuinely thinks these jokes are incredible. she’ll laugh softly to herself like “fufu… that was rather clever.” and somehow that makes it even cuter. i LOVE Symboli Rudolf so much.

breaking the "Ei!" just to let y'all know i want to be suffocated between Symboli Rudolf's thighs like a Victorian man dying of consumption after seeing an ankle for the first time. i don’t want therapy, salvation, or inner peace. i want her to hit me with that student council glare while my vision fades like an old CRT monitor. every time she says something dignified and intellectual my lifespan decreases by 3 business days. historians will study my tweets and conclude “this individual was beyond recovery.” if Symboli Rudolf has 1 million fans i’m one of them. if she has 10 fans i’m still there. if she has 1 fan it’s me crawling toward her like a dehydrated pilgrim in the desert. if she has no fans then i have finally achieved the fate i always wanted: crushed beyond recognition.

Ei!

Ei!

:d

Ei!