Recent reviews by Prior Karp

There is no better reason to yell at your friends in person than over a game of twinkle star. If you ever find it at an arcade, or manage to lure your friend to a computer with a couple gamepads, you are in for a treat.

I get to be a cute bunny girl who makes bullet printers go brr

Only posting a review cuz this game somehow reached "overwhelmingly positive" status recently - I have to assume that's bot interference or paid off in some way; this game is some seriously hot garbage. The enemies have ♥♥♥♥ for pathing, the weapons have ♥♥♥♥ for hit detection, and there's a stunning lack of finesse to basically every element of the game. I regret that this game was made, I regret that this game was given to me, and I regret that so many members of my species consider this game worthwhile enough to recommend. Don't buy it for yourself, don't buy it for your friends.

Now i gotta nut up and tell my friends i don't wanna play this ♥♥♥♥ with them, wish me luck.

Microsoft Live Game. Benefits include quick play dodge penalties and ♥♥♥♥ UI.
Hopefully I'll update this review with a better score once i can find a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ mouse/keyboard control mapping that feels intuitive.

-Update -
Mouse wheel up for weapon switch, mouse button 4 for melee, F for grenade. Feels a lot better, man.

Minecraft and The Incredible Machine made a baby in physics class, and it was this game. If those are unfamiliar names, let someone else tell you how amazing this game is. I've never played a more satisfying physics puzzle. Game literally just pits you against your own poorly-thought-out solutions.

It's like doing chores. Repetitive, ultimately pointless, and when you finish your only solace is the thought, "oh! now I can do it again, but correctly!"
I can also only describe the desire to play the game as a sense of... moral obligation? Like playing that MMO that you don't enjoy, but you already paid for a month of.
+ Visuals
+ Sick Lore
+ Gameplay
- Gameplay
- Game doesn't share any of the Sick Lore it's copping.

I really wanted to like this game. I love the art, the music, the characters, the story... but the gameplay takes all that away from me.

1. The single biggest problem is that tapping your "jump" button enables AND disables your fly/glide ability. Directional Influence meanwhile, (up on your joystick) only enables the same ability - and far less consistently. I am still working on the final boss area, but i've lost all of my momentum and joy for life by repeatedly cancelling my perfectly-timed-platform-glides, and then repeatedly failing to activate the same glides with my DI.

2. There's no map of the areas. There's a logical map online, which helped collect all the coins, but that is another silly oversight for a game that relies heavily on visual appeal.

3. Most of the gameplay is steering and mashing your trigger buttons. It's a beautiful and nostalgic setting, but it got old for me when i kept losing track of how to get to a specific dungeon or area inside a dungeon.

4. The cannon. It is just a "play it til your fingers have it memorized" minigame, and was completely joyless for me.

But hey, that's just me. If you're not a completionist and you want a bite-sized taste of metroidvania, this is a very pleasant game overall. I just have to be picky when I see things done so-freaking-close to right.

The music, the art style, and the dynamic narration all make for an amazing hook, but
the real appeal is the story, and how believable all of the characters make it.
The combination of all of these elements make bastion an incredibly effective story-telling device, and boy does it have a tale to tell.
Best played with good headphones, or with some theater surround. <3