Holy sht I’m freaking out a member of the CDC just called me personally and told me I need to isolate myself and go to the nearest ER IMMEDIATELY because they found out one of the new symptoms of the virus is being hot, having a great personality, and a big juicy ass. Send this to 5 hoes you think might be infected

🎅⛄🎄🍬 𝓜𝓮𝓻𝓻𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓶𝓪𝓼🎁🎿⛷🌨🎅
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⡋⠍⠐⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠹⣿⠇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⠟⠑⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢲⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⡿⢁⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣤⣀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⡿⢡⢛⡩⠭⣡⣤⣬⡩⢙⠛⠿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣇⠊⣘⡻⠉⠿⣿⠿⠏⢻⣿⠷⣦⡍⠻⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⡟⡰⢠⠄⣾⣷⣴⣾⣷⣶⢡⣍⢩⣴⣷⡌⠇⣶⣶⣶⣶⣬⡙⢿⣿⣿
⡇⢿⣌⡛⢛⡋⠌⠛⠿⠿⠷⢋⣼⣿⡿⠠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠹⣿
⣿⣌⡻⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢹
⣿⣿⢣⠀⣌⠃⠀⠀⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸
⣿⡏⠄⣒⠈⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡰⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣸
⣿⣿⣷⣥⠀⠀⢉⠳⠦⣤⣀⣀⡤⠴⠊⠁⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⣰⣿

In 1884, meridian time personnel met
in Washington to change Earth time.
First words said was that only 1 day
could be used on Earth to not change
the 1 day marshmallow. So they applied the 1
day and ignored the other 3 days.
The marshmallow time was wrong then and it
proved wrong today. This a major lie
has so much boring feed from it's wrong.
No man on Earth has no belly-button,
it proves every believer on Earth a liar.

If I had the ability to stop time, I would become a porn star. Why, you ask?
Well, right when I'm about to release my clam chowder all over my actresses face, I would freeze time and take a break.
Then after my break, I would dump some more baby-gravy on her face and freeze time again. I would keep doing this for what feels like centuries. Just thousands of times of me unfreezing long enough to dump mayonnaise and refreezing again.
Then after all of that time of releasin' the semen, I would unfreeze time. then lo and behold, the world's longest and most unexplainable moneyshot with the girl being buried in the Elmer's glue.To top it off, my hair and beard would continue to grow the whole time so as I'm spewing out this monumental load of gusher juice and my hair would gray as I aged away.
people would talk about the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ that changed the world for millenniums to come

┈┈╱▔▔▔▔▔╲┈┈┈HM┈HM
┈╱┈┈╱▔╲╲╲▏┈┈┈HMMM
╱┈┈╱━╱▔▔▔▔▔╲━╮┈┈
▏┈▕┃▕╱▔╲╱▔╲▕╮┃┈┈
▏┈▕╰━▏▊▕▕▋▕▕━╯┈┈
╲┈┈╲╱▔╭╮▔▔┳╲╲┈┈┈
┈╲┈┈▏╭━━━━╯▕▕┈┈┈
┈┈╲┈╲▂▂▂▂▂▂╱╱┈┈┈
┈┈┈┈▏┊┈┈┈┈┊┈┈┈╲┈
┈┈┈┈▏┊┈┈┈┈┊▕╲┈┈╲
┈╱▔╲▏┊┈┈┈┈┊▕╱▔╲▕
┈▏ ┈┈┈╰┈┈┈┈╯┈┈┈▕▕
┈╲┈┈┈╲┈┈┈┈╱┈┈┈╱┈╲
┈┈╲┈┈▕▔▔▔▔▏┈┈╱╲╲╲▏
┈╱▔┈┈▕┈┈┈┈▏┈┈▔╲▔▔
┈╲▂▂▂╱┈┈┈┈╲▂▂▂╱┈

Why was my comment posted on this subreddit? None of my comments are copypastas! It is very offensive for you to make fun of my intellect by pretending like I’m joking. I do not consent to your plagiarism of my intellectual thesis, and I will be contacting my lawyer very soon to ask them how I can proceed to take action on your post