I caught this guy ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ my girlfriend last week. I’m still pissed about it but there’s nothing I can do. She loves him. I knew she was acting weird because she kept staying out late and coming home with taco sauce on her blouse. During sex she’d scream to give her my five dollar foot long, but I’m only 3 inches and five dollars is way too much for what I’m giving. One day I came home to find her getting plowed against the wall by this dude. He had her hair in one hand and a taco bell cheesy gordita crunch in the other. I tried to fight him, but he slapped me so hard it broke every window in the house. This dude’s a stone cold pimp and I can’t do anything to hurt him, so I can only hope he breaks her heart one day like she broke mine.

I have never seen a more handsome man

one my cat gave me hand job well this is a true story but its really reallly hilarious just let me tell it , i was lying on my bed,, i was lying on my bed,, it so happened that ,his elbows landed on my balls and he just stayed like that and every 5 seconds he would adjust his postion so he would move his elbows thus massaging my balls that gave me a 10 minute erection he stayed like that , for 10 minutes at last i had to like,, pull my pants down a little so my thing can breathe because of the long erection , it became so hot but when i pulled my pants down , my thing just ejaculated it went on my sweater ( it was winter) i quickly jumped and cleaned the ♥♥♥♥ my parents were at home thank god they didnt see this ♥♥♥♥ it may seem unbelievable but it really happened, i just,, have crazy stories and its not the first time a cat did something sexual to me

+rep, good game sense

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣤⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣮⣵⣄⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⢾⣻⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⡀⠀
⠀⠸⣽⣻⠃⣿⡿⠋⣉⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⡟⠉⡉⢻⣿⡌⣿⣳⡥⠀
⠀⢜⣳⡟⢸⣿⣷⣄⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣤⣠⣼⣿⣇⢸⢧⢣⠀
⠀⠨⢳⠇⣸⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⡟⢆⠀
⠀⠀⠈⠀⣾⣿⣿⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⠐⠈⠀⠀
⠀⢀⣀⣼⣷⣭⣛⣯⡝⠿⢿⣛⣋⣤⣤⣀⣉⣛⣻⡿⢟⣵⣟⣯⣶⣿⣄⡀⠀
⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣾⣶⣶⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣧
⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⣿⡿

Victory incoming!