Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner

Danger! Roller Derby! 14 and a half armed robbers rolled their way through the double doors at 8pm last Thursday night. Witnesses report of the thieves stealing the roller skates of atleast 2 unlucky patrons of the derby. By 8:30 the thieves had rolled clean with over £24 worth of roller skates and various sporting shin gaurds. Shaken bystanders exclaim that this has been the worst burst of crime since the local Greggs was cleaned out of pastries mid-lunchtime rush.

Ryan Limb of Burgh le Marsh told our correspondents. " This is an absolute outrage and a complete shake down of our local law. How can we feel safe in our own homes with thieves so open and willing to literally steal the shoes from our feet. ". Many other locals are coming out to support Mr Limbs claims as the crime continues to rise through the local leisures.

More to come.