eat my ass. (im **)

We crunched the numbers here guys. In short, we're ♥♥♥♥♥♥.

A collection of updates from the past year...

Jason Derullo, a one time investor, brought former owners SOKKA.lo, and Han Solo, as well as current general manager, Memes to court. Unfortunately, none of them have been available for any questions regarding the lawsuit.

All players signed by Han Solo, as well as SOKKA.lo have seen their contracts expire. General manager Memes, has yet to make any additions to the squad and the team is nothing but a name for the time being.

Open tryouts where held in January of 2019. For reasons I can not legally go into detail about the event, but that dude really did break his leg and begin to choke out Memes with it.

The organization received a buyout offer in March 2019, but the emergency managing council declined the offer on the grounds of quid pro quo. We're still unsure what that means. A common theme for the tattered squad.

Finally...

That brings us to today.

It is with a heavy heart that we announce the closure of our esports branch. We have loved all of the support we have received through the years. To former plays, members, management, and most importantly, you,

THANK YOU.

(We will still be selling workout supplements on our website.)

Since purchasing the struggling organization earlier this year, SOKKA.lo has done nothing to revamp the team. Shareholders are furious as the team hasn’t competed in months despite promises of a tier one team, and talks of possible academy teams within the early goings of the SOKKA regime. But little has been done since gutting the roster he purchased in early March. In fact, no moves have been made since March of this year. It is unclear if players had backed out of promises to sign under the new ownership, or if no plan was made ahead of time. Regardless [ret is looking at a nearly empty roster as the organization will soon be without a single player. After quickly cutting both Anus Lubber and Cash Money, and releasing Watermellone to tier 37 team named Succbois, a new organization which expanded from a simple trap enthusiast club, Shia LaBeef found himself the lone player wearing the [ret tag. Shia’s contract is set to expire in less than a week, and seeing as Shia hasn’t seen a competitive game with the [ret squad in months, an extension is almost entirely out of the picture.

The organization's future is unclear, once brimming with potential, all [ret has to look forward to now are the tattered memories of what could have been.

Late last night, after Memes' suicide attempt, he was brought to Detroit Hospital. The doctors worked for hours and finally managed to revive Memes to a semi-concious state. They worked on him throughout the night and was finally woken up and was asked what happened. Memes stated, "Someone with Icy hot all over their ♥♥♥♥ walked in and started to attack me. He ripped off my clothes and begin anally ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ me. As he was finishing up he leaned over my shoulder and said, "THAT'S HOW HAN POUNDS ASS." He then grabbed a noose and tried to make it look like suicide." At this time, police are investigating. Memes has stated that he would like to stay in his position of GM for as long as he can. He believes he is doing well as he has already added some young talent.

Tune in tonight to hear more news about Schwick getting 4 forks jammed up his ass.

Following the loss of Mr.Memes, [ret decided to go for an outside hire. "I was approached by Han, and he just pleaded that I'd buy this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ team." Said Sokka.lo, the soon to be owner "We just need to finalize some paper work, and the rest will be up to the management team I bring in, in the near future."

It remains unclear if SOKKA.lo plans on building around the core of the team, or a full scrap of the squad is in order. "It's obvious this team isn't what it used to be, but I've received offers on some current members. It's not out of the realm of possibility of a full sale of the players and eventually bringing in fresh talent."

As it stand [ret is currently staring at a lineup consisting of

Anus Lubber
Cash Money
WaterMellone
Shia LaBeef
As well as a slew of stand-ins

But as of now it looks like Anus Lubber, and Cash Money are looking into other options as they've rejoined former ace player Schwick in [some ♥♥♥♥♥♥ ass team]. WaterMellone and Shia LaBeef would have to fill some huge shoes for the rebuilding brand, which doesn't quite look possible given their skill set at the moment.

In house signees could serve as a temporary fix for the inexperienced lineup especially unused players full of potential,

Stelio Kontos
RougEz
gimmix
NeoN
DedSeC

All of which would play a big part in keeping the team competitive for the time being.

It will be an interesting battle ahead for the struggling organization.