Identity theft is not a joke, Jim.

Dwight: All right, fine. [picks up phone] Brrring.
Jim: [picks up phone] Hello?
Dwight: Hello, this is Dwight Schrute from the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company.
Jim: Wow, that’s great, because I need paper.
Dwight: Excellent, then you are in luck, because we are having a limited-time offer only on everything.
Jim: Wow, this is my lucky day.
Michael: [whispers] Ask him his name.
Dwight: What is your name, sir?
Jim: I am Bill Buttlicker.
Dwight: Really, that’s your real name?
Jim: How dare you? My family built this country, by the way.
Michael: Be respectful, Dwight.
Dwight: Yes, Michael.
Jim: Would you hold on one second? That’s my other line.
Dwight: What? No, but I —
Jim: Hello? [laughs] No, I’m just on the phone with this stupid salesman. He’s so dumb. Probably just gonna keep him on the line forever and not buy anything. Yeah, OK. [punches button on phone]
Michael: It’s up to you to change his mind.
Jim: Sorry. That was a family emergency.
Dwight: Oh, no. What’s wrong?
Jim: You know what? That’s private.
Michael: Boundaries, Dwight. Come on!
Dwight: Sorry, Mr. Buttlicker. As I was saying, we’re having a limited–
Jim: Sorry, you’re going to have to speak up a little bit louder. I’m hard of hearing.
Michael: He’s hard of — he’s an old man. Let’s go.
Dwight: OK, as I was saying, right now we are having —
Jim: You’re gonna have to talk louder.
Dwight: OK, our prices have never been lower.
Jim: Son, you have to talk louder.
Dwight: …never been lower!
Jim: Louder, son!
Dwight: [shouting] Buttlicker! Our prices have never been lower!
Michael: Stop it! Stop it!
Dwight: He —
Michael: That is totally inappropriate. You never yell at the client. You never yell at the client.
Jim: Now, you listen to me, sir.
Michael: Here we go.
Jim: The three words I would describe you as is aggressive, hostile and definitely difficult.
Michael: Give me the phone.
Dwight: Please, Mr. Buttlicker —
Jim: I’m irate right now.
Michael: Give me the phone.
Dwight: Please give me another chance. Mr. Buttlicker.
Michael: Give me the phone. Give me the phone.
Dwight: I have to put you on with my boss.
Jim: Well, I should hope so. [Michael takes phone] Who is this?
Michael: Hello, this is Michael Scott, regional manager.
Jim: Well, this is William M. Buttlicker.
Michael: Hello, Mr. Buttlicker. How may we help you?
Jim: Michael, I like the sound of your voice. You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to buy one million dollars worth of paper products today.
Dwight: [shakes fist, whispers] Yeah!
Michael: [covers phone, whispers to Dwight] See how it’s done? [into phone] Thank you very much, sir. I don’t think you’ll regret it. [to Dwight] See what I did?
Dwight: You are the master.
Jim: There is one condition, Michael.
Michael: Yes.
Jim: You have to fire the salesman that treated me so terribly.
Dwight: Don’t do it, Michael.
Michael: … [whispers] It’s a million-dollar sale.