First, let us pray the Our Levi

Whilst regailing my grandchildrens with the tales of the many battles I had fought in on behalf of our lord and saviour, LEvi Whitmore (blessed be his name) I heard a light sound coming from that room I so regularly find myself in, my bedroom. That sound could only mean one thing: a steam notification. But this time it was no ordinary notification, but a preaching. A preaching, and a warning. I could feel the tingles come to me beneath my . It was that moment of realisation that I had to leave my grandchildrens to my friendly neighbour, TEd Cruz. As I entered my place of worship, I realised it was an excommunication from his high popiness, xx_muselkfan1889_xx. When I read of this excommunication all became clear, even my vision from the night before...

What I saw were three men:
One unclothed and loose to the world, their skin as white as snow.
One wore a gown of green. A gown green as the French countryside on D-Day.
One was tainted with what I believed to be the blood of infidels, but now I realise it to be the blood of the faithful.
What I saw after baffled me. Those three men joined together in one phallic shape. Offended (and aroused) as I was the vision continued! This phallic shape of white and green and red proceeded to peform vicious sexual acts upon our Lord and Saviour, LEvi Whitmore. First a shaft of red skewered him rear to pie hole. His lordship was the delicious boar in this predicament, the phallic object the skewer. Then the phallic shape began to thrust and its green testes shook with the power of satan! Thrust upon thrust upon thrust! It took long for our lord to break, but when he did the phallic shape spewed a liquid of white. I WAS BAMBOOZLED! OUR LORD WAS RAPED! Raped by the colours of one nation: Italy! And who comes from such a country of infidels and even goes as far as to set their heathen flag as a profile picture? WHO? None other than the Italion Stallion! Of course this was but a vision, but it could be our future! Only our faithful actions could stop such a physical and brutal thing from occurring. Only our faith can stop the rape of our saviour.

In times like this, dear friends, it makes me think of the verse of one of his Lordship's disciples, Leehy. Here friends, a reading from the Gospel of Leehy.

Leehy 19:42 "♥♥♥♥ the Italians. And those dirty ♥♥♥♥♥ in Faulco too. They all deserve to be bricked and die"

Racist as he may be, this blessed disciple has a point. And it may be the most important point yet. Whilst we sit around playing games of chinese checkers, his lordship is days from being RAPED. Because of this threat, I myself must take action

AS THE POPE OF POPES, ISAAC OF THE HOUSE OF WHITFORD (A lesser cadet branch of the House of Whitmore), NEAREST LIVING DESCENDANT OF HIS GODLINESS LEVI, KING OF BLACKHEATH AND CHAIRMAN PROTECTOR OF THE UPPER MOUNTAINS, I CALL FOR A HOLY CRUSADE AGAINST ALL ITALIANS FOR THEIR SINS AND THREATS OF RAPE AGAINST OUR LORD. I CALL FOR THE RAPE AND PILLAGE OF ALL ITALIANS AND THEIR PUTRID SETTLEMENTS. I DEMAND THAT THE TOWN OF FAULCONBRIDGE BE RAZED TO THE GROUND FOR HOUSING SUCH A CRIMINAL AND INFIDEL AS THE ITALIAN STALLION. AS HEAD OF OUR FAITH, I CALL A CRUSADE THAT WOULD SEE THE ELIMINATION OF INFIDELS AND ITALIANS WORLDWIDE. PERHAPS WE COULD EVEN BUILD A SHRINE ON THE GROUNDS THAT FAULCONBRIDGE AND THE ITALIAN STALLION INFECT. AS THE HEAD OF OUR FAITH, THE ONE TRUE FAITH I CALL THIS HOLY CRUSADE. I DO THIS IN THE NAME OF LEVI WHITMORE, OUR GOD. AS POPE OF POPES AND MOUTH OF GOD I CALL UPON ALL HIGH POPES TO SPREAD THE WORD OF THIS CRUSADE TO ALL LOYAL SERVANTS OF HIS LORSHIP AND OUR FAITH.

DEUS VULT!

edit: also my grandchildren have now been defiled by ted cruz, who is in league with the infidel james galluzzi (italian stallion). pls pray with me for the removal of all their newly aquired stds and other untimely infections.

Say it with me:

Our Levi,
Who art in Dungog,
Hallowed be thy name;
Thy wanger ♥♥♥,
Thy will be done
On Earth as it is in Dungog.
Give us this day our daily nut;
And forgive us for nuts hanging out
As we forgive those
Who don't nut against us;
And lead us not into seduction,
But deliver us from infertility.