Fruitionist Empire of Australia

You know you're Australian if:

1. You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.

2. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.



3. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.

4. When you hear that an American "roots for his team" you wonder how often and with whom.

5. You can translate: "Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas."

6. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

7. You think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

8. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

9. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.

10. You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread.

11. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

12. You understand that "excuse me" can sound rude, while "scuse me" is always polite.

13. You understand that "you" has a plural and that it's "youse".

14. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call "Anzac cookies".

15. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.

16. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

17. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.

18. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says "cobber".

19. When 90% of the conversation in the local pub is swearing, cars, women or sport.

20. You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in with the letter o. Arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto, etc.

21. You think of Australia as being somewhat out of place within the Asia-Pacific region; surrounded by unstable ex-colonial nations who regard you as racist, imperialist, and unfairly wealthy.

22. You know that Sydney should be the capital because Canberra is a hole.

23. You believe that democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of good ol' Johnny Howard.

24. You know that we are home to the just about all of the world's deadliest of animals. That's why if anybody messes with us we'll get some funnel webs on their asses.

25. You see people walking bare-foot on the sidewalk and don't scorn.... because you're doing it too.

{LINK REMOVED}Encyclopedia Dramtica - Australia