私は日本人ではない

I went to bed feeling awful. I went to be crying. I never wanted to get up because I was afraid of you. I had to keep myself from crying in front of my family, I had to life my life in constant, and utter fear of you. Yet you never noticed. You never noticed how I was acting because you're full of yourself. and then it got to it's worse this month, in september. It started when you first started to not love me over stupid ♥♥♥♥, like TF2.

I broke down, crying, trying to think why someone would ever stop loving another person over such a dumb thing, and you still treated me like ♥♥♥♥, even there.

My life from that point on just got worse and worse, because of you. I stopped having motivation for things, I enjoyed talking to my friends less and less, but I just faked how I was acting to them because I didn't want to cry or feel depressed and ruin the mood for anyone, especially you. I became depressed, I started fighting with my family more and more because I was so stressed by you, My grandma kept asking me why I was acting like this, and I just lied. She asked me if anyone was bullying me on the internet, and I had to put up some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ facade and say 'nah i'm the one who bullies people' I had to keep myself from crying in front of my grandmother.

You started caring less and less for me, I gave you money because the thought made me happy about making you happy, so I started to give you some here and there, even though I was petrified about what you'd do, and I ended up giving you most, if not all my money, because I just started to get more and more afraid of you, I didn't want to do anything bad, I didn't want to get yelled at, I didn't want anything. You started screaming at me in CS:GO, the game with all the skins you bought with the money I gave you.

Then that one time you said you'd ruin my life because I didn't say anything for two days. I stopped talking to you because I felt so awful, I was trying my hardest to talk to my friends, I was on the edge of the cliff. Then you stopped loving me for whatever dumb reason, and said the most awful things you could ever say to someone. I was in shock, I went inside to grab a knife but ended up almost breaking down on the kitchen floor while grasping it.

I almost killed myself. I was so afraid. The words you said kept flying in my head while I was leaning on the counter, crying my eyes out, holding a knife. 'I will ruin your life' 'You're ♥♥♥♥' 'You're ruined' I ended up being almost suicidal from that point on, every time you did something bad to me I wanted to die. I spent most of my days suicidal, depressed, and crying. Because I put so much effort into the relationship, only to have it crushed by you. Then just these past two months, it got worse than it ever did in the past, you started doubting me, not trusting me, getting more and more angry at me for the most stupidest ♥♥♥♥. I almost killed myself again. All because you're an awful person. You never, ever treated me right, and when you did, that was so short lived that it was at most two weeks before it was back.