We are funded by AIPAC (thanks big yahu)

AIPAC Avengers (Official, Overfunded, and Praising Israel Whenever Possible)

Earth’s mightiest lobbying force has assembled… again… for the 47th emergency gala of the week. When democracy is in danger of being slightly less aligned with very specific interests, the AIPAC Avengers swoop in—armed with talking points, catered hors d'oeuvres, and an uncanny ability to schedule fundraisers during inconvenient moral dilemmas.

Our Mission:
To heroically defend the sacred principles of bipartisan agreement, strategic ambiguity, and never, ever answering that one question directly.

Our Powers Include:

Turning “it’s complicated” into a 12-page policy memo

Summoning senators with a single calendar invite

Dodging tough questions with Olympic-level grace

Transforming any criticism into a networking opportunity

Our Team:

Captain Consensus: Can agree with everyone while committing to nothing

Iron Donor: Runs entirely on contributions and catered shrimp

The Incredible Spin: Gets stronger every time facts get awkward

Black Tie Widow: Has attended 9 galas this week and still looks incredible

Group Rules:

No outside snacks (unless they’re symbolic)

All debates must end with “we’ll circle back”

If you say “nuance,” you owe the group $50

Join us if you believe the real superpower… is a well-timed fundraising dinner.

Just remember Iran is only 30 seconds away from developing nuclear weapons! We must stop them!