[S]o ya [W]anna be [A]based [G]od?

Attention, BasedGods! I want all of you to know that thi[S] group is not a joke, and that [W]e as a people [A]re here to [G]uarantee SWAG on and off the field! You are to dress in your uniforms every day, consisting of:
-Midcalfs
-Turfdogs
-Expensive College Lax Shorts(Spandex for optimal SWAG)
-A Lax Penny
-A Backward Snapback
You must carry your Lax Spoon around at all times! Staying out Drinking and then waking up late must be a regular affair! If you are spotted doing anything different, you will be escorted back to SWAG camp and will be immediately demoted to Private(=0 SWAG)!
DO YOU HEAR ME, SOLDIER!