Those who want to eat waffles, let them eat, and those who do not want to eat waffles in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live. - The Golden God-Emperor 2011

"Hazel?" Mom's lips are pursed, which is never a good sign.
"Yeah?" I set my empty cereal bowl on the coffee table.
"Your father and I need to talk to you."
Clues that it's really serious.
1. Mom's lips are pursed.
2. She doesn't scold me for putting my empty dishes on the table.
3. She says 'your father' instead of 'Dad.'
4. I don't even get a chance to brush my teeth or hair/change clothes.
Mom and Dad sit on the couch beside each other, but with several inches of space between them. Not a good sign.
"Hazel, you're here because of a decision your mother and I made," Dad said slowly.
See? There the adults go again, saying 'your mother' this and 'your father' that. It's enough to make a person mad!
"There's no other way to say it," Mom continued. "We're getting a divorce."
That last word just stunned me. It was so shocking it was almost funny. But now, my throat felt tight with a lump I couldn't swallow.
"W-what?" my voice comes out hoarse and raspy.
"Your mother and I are separating," Dad's voice is flat, giving me the straight forward answer.
"But this is temporary, right?" I knew the answer before I even asked the question.
"Meilin, honey, this is going to be permanent," Mom says is gently, but the blow is fatal.
"Hazel, no matter what happens with your mother and I, we'll always be a family and love you forever." Dad's basically become one of those books called Things To Tell Your Child When You Are Giving A Divorce. (I bet you that book is still at the bookstore clearance section.)
"I'm going to Juliet's," I said flatly.
"Hazel, we can talk about this," Dad's voice has an edge to it.
"Peter," Mom's voice is gentle but firm. "Let her have some room."
"It's your fault that you didn't start telling her earlier," Dad muttered.
"Like what?" Mom sounded angry now. "Just because I'm the mother, I have to suddenly force her to accept this and the move?"
I froze. "What move?"
Dad started muttering under his breath. Mom cleared her throat. "Hazel, your father's going to be moving out - by himself - to England. You and I will be moving closer to your aunt Meixiang, for the time being."
My heart suddenly felt like it had stopped beating. Aunt Meixiang lived in an entirely different state!
"I'm going to Juliet's," I repeated to myself, fleeing from the room.
"Hazel Lila Song-" Dad began but was shortly cut off by Mom.
"Give her time to think," Mom said softly.
I grabbed my bike from the garage and pedal so hard it's almost enough to drown my thoughts. But it's not. I barely make it to Juliet's doorstep without going insane from the screaming thoughts.
Juliet opens the door, looking me up and down. "You do realize that you're still wearing your pajamas so either the crisis is really urgent or you forgot to change the morning."
And there's my daily inspirational Juliet Evans speech.
"It's the urgent crisis," I confirm. "You're not busy, are you?"
I was going to redo my bedroom, but the posters can wait," Juliet stepped into her house. "Meet you at the garage."
The door closed.
Once we were far past Juliet's street, I suddenly was aware the fact that Juliet was still wearing her pajamas.
"Hey Juliet?"
"Uh-huh?"
"You're still wearing your pajamas."
Juliet shrugged. "We can be pajama sisters."
"Where are we going?"
Juliet smiled at me. "The one and only Brewhouse Coffee Shop."
Though Juliet and I never drank coffee, the Brewhouse Coffe Shop served the best lemonade, pies, cakes, homemade ice cream, hot chocolate, pancakes, and of course, hot fudge sundaes. Erin, the owner knew us personally from our frequent visits.
We ordered one large hot fudge sundae and took two spoons. At her insistence, Juliet paid. It was an unspoken rule that the person without the urgent crisis paid.
While waiting for our order, I told Juliet everything, beginning to when I placed my empty cereal bowl on the table to leaving the house.
The conversation ended briefly when Juliet picked up the order and we dug in. Normally wearing pajamas while eating hot fudge sundaes right after breakfast with Juliet sitting across from me would have lifted my spirits. But today was not normal.
"So your parents are separating and you're moving one state away."
See, Juliet is great at summarizing.
"When are you moving?"
"I think after the school year ends."
Juliet paused. "'You're off to great places. Today is your day. Your mountain is waiting, so get on your way.'"
I blinked. "You're not freaking out or saying goodbye?"
"Puh-leeze," Juliet rolled her eyes. "Don't you think I'd come up with a plan? Besides, 'never say goodbye because saying goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.'"
"So what's your plan?"
"Ask my mom to drive me to your house, spend birthdays, winter break, spring break, and summers with you. 'Distance does not matter in true friendship.'"
Is there any doubt why she's my best friend?
Out of nowhere, Juliet squished me into a hug.
"'Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget,'" I mumble.
"Shut up," Juliet said playfully. "'How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."
How lucky indeed.
But ♥♥♥♥ that bollocks, I whipped my ♥♥♥♥ out and gave her a good slapping, right on the nose, where she least expected it, even though I am a girl.
"How woood!" She exclaimed, as she went into her sexy Jar Jar Binx role-play voice; a power move among my fat ♥♥♥♥ maneuvers. "Meesa so horny babe."
I was dazed and confused at her ability to pretend she was ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ in her colon, when actually, the characters she was portraying had no sexual drive whatsoever. "But how can this be?!" I retorted, my hips moving in a hypnotic motion on both X and Z plains of lateral movement. "Listen darlin', I don't wanna ♥♥♥♥ your ass, see. I can see the black bile from here, it's seeping from your G-string and running down your leg. In fact, I can tell its been happening for a while, the way you squelched over to me with your formerly pink ballet shoes, which now resemble a sepia map of Rotherham." I added, in my role-play of Frank Sinatra.
There could only be one solution to this mess: A good wipe. I grabbed the nearest Andrex role (The one with the dog on it) and started licking my lips as I started to wretch at the three week old ♥♥♥♥ and bum hole puss that was working it's way into the wood at the end of the shoe. As my gyrating increased, the yellow smegma flew about the room, covering every visable surface, "Look you ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up Candiru piss weasel, I just want a good doin' in the arshe, and nae bother wea et now, 'coz ave ad ma fingar up thur this entire time," She said rubbing gently at her clearly painfully pulsating anus. How her finger got past all of the escaped nerves is a scientific wonder.