Cogitator Record #4#7##2020

Obviously, as I am sure you know, you have all been selected to land on and re-secure Artorus Prime. Now, I'm going to be straight with you, armed with Salami, gum, and enough dynamite to crater a small country, tactical says we're guaranteed for what they call an 'absolute strategic victory. Many of you will die. Probably on impact. These plastic bags are kind of thin, and, honestly speaking only have about an hours worth of oxygen left in them. Pure Oxygen. Do not panic, that will only cause us all to suffocate faster.

The good news is once we land the dynamite is almost guaranteed to detonate. This should take out the majority of the Ǫ̷̩̇̂̈̒̑͗͒̍̊́͒͋͛̈́ͅR̶̝͕͕̺͈̥̥̳̩̥͉̟͖͙͌͆̃̈̍̾̓͆̏̍̈́́̈́̚B̸̨̠͙̪̠͆͂̿͌͆́̿̊́̑̐͘͠͠Ş̴̛͈͙͔̺̥̮̗̝̻͌̓͆́̈́̀̉̀̎̕͘̚͠ surrounding the LZ. Also try to avoid saying Ǫ̷̩̇̂̈̒̑͗͒̍̊́͒͋͛̈́ͅR̶̝͕͕̺͈̥̥̳̩̥͉̟͖͙͌͆̃̈̍̾̓͆̏̍̈́́̈́̚B̸̨̠͙̪̠͆͂̿͌͆́̿̊́̑̐͘͠͠Ş̴̛͈͙͔̺̥̮̗̝̻͌̓͆́̈́̀̉̀̎̕͘̚͠ at all costs. Saying Ǫ̷̩̇̂̈̒̑͗͒̍̊́͒͋͛̈́ͅR̶̝͕͕̺͈̥̥̳̩̥͉̟͖͙͌͆̃̈̍̾̓͆̏̍̈́́̈́̚B̸̨̠͙̪̠͆͂̿͌͆́̿̊́̑̐͘͠͠Ş̴̛͈͙͔̺̥̮̗̝̻͌̓͆́̈́̀̉̀̎̕͘̚͠ tends to corrupt the surrounding environment

Once you're out. Come out swinging. Do not look at the Ǫ̷̩̇̂̈̒̑͗͒̍̊́͒͋͛̈́ͅR̶̝͕͕̺͈̥̥̳̩̥͉̟͖͙͌͆̃̈̍̾̓͆̏̍̈́́̈́̚B̸̨̠͙̪̠͆͂̿͌͆́̿̊́̑̐͘͠͠Ş̴̛͈͙͔̺̥̮̗̝̻͌̓͆́̈́̀̉̀̎̕͘̚͠ and desperately try not to think about what they are doing to your family. If you need it we have horse blinders at the ready if you find yourself unable to focus on the mission due to the horrific degeneration of your surroundings.

Push out from the LZ taking out as many hostiles as possible along the way. Try to secure a beachhead for Sigma Company who's plastic bag will be initiating planetfall shortly after us. Remember our objective isn't to survive but to secure the LZ for Sigma. Don't worry your bodies will be posthumously be inducted into the Corpse Corps. thanks to the mortality waiver you signed when you joined up. Good Luck, remember who you pray to doesn't necessarily matter as long as they don't talk back. If they do, alert your nearest Captain Immediately.

Now brace yourself, this bags about to pop, and the bang is going to be so loud it'll shake the ♥♥♥♥ right out of your bowels.

-Lamp Out.