The Great Russian Bake Off

I sexually Identify as the Soviet Union. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of establishing a communist union under my rule. People say to me that a person being the Soviet Union is Impossible and I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install a hammer and sickle on my chest and dyeing myself red. From now on I want you guys to call me comrade and respect my right to for you to forcefully work for me and for me to control your life. If you can't accept me you're a Soveitphobe and need to check your capitalist privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.