TEL AVIV LOVERS

Oh, Great King Bibi, the only man whose hair stays more perfectly purple than a royal grape and whose tenure is longer than a CVS receipt! We bow before the “Gift of God”—literally, that’s what your name means—because why have a democracy when you can have a destiny? We offer up our humble sacrifices: a Davidoff cigar, a subscription to Israel Hayom, and a promise to never, ever mention the word "retirement." May your standing ovations be as endless as your court cases, and may you continue to outlast every world leader until the heat death of the universe. Amen, and please, don’t make us laugh at the UN unless you really mean it.