POKIMANE PLEASE NOTICE ME

I am tier 3 sub to pokimane and have gifted 148 subs to her, i get aroused in numerous ways when she says my name in chat. Everything rises when i click on her stream including my weight. I am on a 600 pound goal for pokimane to notice me. I ran out of money spending to much on subs ive lived the past days off of eating my tonenails while thinking of her. My life can end peacefully when she notices me. I illegally flew to japan to try and meet her in her irl stream. But when i saw her she got scared and ran away. Ive spent the last period of time whimpering in my mothers vacation lodge. Why wont pokimane acknowledge my discord notifications, ive tried to contact her through her credit card bank information but i have it has lead up to my wantedness of the police. My whole life is based on pokimanes streams please adopt me pokimane.