Oompa Loompas Unite!

You there! Yes, you, in the chair! Do you like playing Valve games? Are you also of decreased stature? Do you have billowy green hair, orange hued skin, and are in posession of many pairs of striped overhauls? Do you work at an incredibly dangerous chocolate factory cleaning up after messes? Do you enjoy handing out warnings and advice to the visitors in a very charming song and dance fashion?

If you answered yes to all those questions, then we welcome you to join The Oompa Loompa Nation!

While we are an organization that ensures the safety and well being of all Wonka employed Oompa Loompas (please ask about our health, dental, and 401(k) plans), we are also an organization dedicated to providing for all of our fellow Oompa Loompas' recreational needs during break time and off duty hours.

Our Oompa Loompa researchers have found that the game called "Team Fortress 2" is the ideal reliever of work related stress caused by pushy bosses, nagging visitors, and occasional soda related decapitation incidents.

To that end we have created the venerable Oompa Loompa Nation, so that Oompa Loompas everywhere can enjoy TF2 in the company of their comrades.

We only have a few requirements here at the OLN:

1. Make as many immature jokes as you like while playing.

2. Engage in stupid and inane tactics along with fellow OLN members, including but not limited to the following:
a. Switch to the same class as your brethren when you encounter them, and melee rush the opposition regardless of how unwise a tactic it may seem at the time.
b. Join with your Oompa Loompa brethren in recreating authentic Oompa Loompa dancing during round setup times. Those of you with OLN approved microphones may recite the Oompa Loompa theme song during this time for all to enjoy.

That is all for now. Please note that the OLN charter is a living document, so please feel free to make any suggestions you feel would enrich the Oompa Loompa gaming experience. Thank you and welcome aboard!

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RECENT ANNOUNCEMENTS

Oompa Loompa #0 memorial service

16 May, 2009 - Erik The Tall | 0 Comments

Memorial services for the revered Oompa Loompa #0 will be held this Tuesday in the Clubhouse Comissary.

98 yeard old Oompa Loompa #0, or Larry "Farts" McGee as he was known during his off duty hours, was a well respected and gassy member of the Oompa Loompa community for years and a crusader for Oompa Loompa civil rights. His efforts ever since the great Oompa Riots of the 1960's won us the privileges we now enjoy, and it is unlikely that the OLN would have every unionized if it wasn't for his guidance and influence.

Please stop by the Souvenir Shop and purchase a "Farts" McGee shaped air freshener to honor his memory. All proceeds will go towards purchasing a statue of Ole Farts that will forever stand watch over the Tomb of the Unknown Loompa.

Enough with the taunting

14 May, 2009 - Erik The Tall | 0 Comments

The Maintenance and Legal Departments have brought to my attention disturbing trends concerning Oompa Loompas taunting the fat German kids who tour the Chocolate Factory.

By now you should know if you taunt them about their weight they'll just start crying and jump into the chocolate river to try to cheer themselves up.

The Maintenance Department is concerned because instead of performing their normal duties such as Elevator Rocket repair and cleaning up after the Golden Geese, they've had to spend an increasing amount of time clearing the kids' carcasses out of the chocolate pumps. There's been three alone this week!

Also, the Legal Department that if we don't lower the amount of Wrongful Death settlements filed by the parents of the fat kids, Wonka may have to lay off some staff.

So think before you taunt! Perhaps use words that they won't understand or will find pleasing to the ear. Some suitable alternatives for fat are:

Rubenesque
Stout
Husky
Jolly
Corpulent

Thank you for your cooperation