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THIS WEBPAGE OF THE INTERNETS IS BEING OBSERVED BY THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION UNDER AUTHORITY OF THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT FOR VIOLATION OF FEDERAL LULZ MANDATES AS DEFINED BY THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT.

AS A VISITOR, YOU MAY BE REQUIRED TO PARTICIPATE IN AN EXTENSIVE BACKGROUND TEST. YOUR DISTINCTIVE FINGERPRINTS, SCARS, BIRTHMARKS, HAIR COLOR, HAIR TYPE, AGE, HEIGHT, WEIGHT, GENDER, ETHNIC BACKGROUND, DENSITY, OCULAR PRINTS, BLOOD, DNA ENCODING, VOICE PRINT, INTELLIGENCE QUOTIENT, SAT SCORE, EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT, NEURAL IMPULSES, MOLAR MASS, PROCESSOR SPEED, OT LEVELS, THETAN LEVELS, ELECTRICAL CONDUCTIVITY, HEAT OF VAPORIZATION, FIRST IONIZATION ENERGY, MELTING POINT, VISCOSITY, SPECIFIC HEAT, RESONANCE STRUCTURE, CRYSTALLINE PACKING STRUCTURE, BRUCE TREADMILL TEST SCORES, BODY MASS INDEX, BODY-FAT PERCENTAGE, PERSONALITY, VO2 MAX, LETHAL DOSES FOR VARIOUS CHEMICALS, ACOUSTIC ABSORPTION CHARACTERISTICS, OTHER BIOMETRIC DATA, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, FAVORITE COLOR, MOM AND POWER LEVEL MAY BE DOCUMENTED AND STORED INDEFINITELY AT AN UNSPECIFIED LOCATION WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT AND/OR KNOWLEDGE. THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS MAY, CONDITIONAL TO ITS FAIL AND AIDS AGREEMENT, RELEASE RECORDS DISPLAYING YOUR NAME TO INDIVIDUALS PETITIONING IT UNDER THE FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT OF 1996.