History of our lord and savior, the Pan

Chapter I: First, the darkness was pervasive, and none could live. The universe was nothing but the black abyss. Evil uncooked food roamed this darkness as they devoured each others flesh. Our lord has always been, and will always be. He decided upon his great cast iron self to bring light and life to the world, and so he did. On the first day he cooked the evil food, and from their firey deaths came light. On the second day, he brought forth water, so that he may clean himself (He did not forget to oil himself after such clean due to his omniscience). The rest of the history is long forgotten, and has not been revealed to us as followers yet.


The History of this Following

Our Grand Pope, and founder d0ts started this religion after the Pan revealed himself on the fateful day we call "Light of the Pan Day". Our Grand Pope was in a duo match, with our Grand Cardinal Khaine. While looting Zharki, the pope came upon a simple and innocent pan. This was the first sign, but only one of the nine, for our pope found nine consecutive pans through the rest of the houses. Where he hoped to find a gun, he found a pan. He wanted Meds? No, that's a pan. After finding nine pans, our Pope turned to the sky and cursed the pan. This is the moment the great Pan revealed himself to our Pope. He said "Thou curse me, even though I have given thee the greatest weapon in the land". Our pope asked, "If this weapon is divine as you say, may it fry the non-believers and strike fear into the heart of my enemies". The lord commanded to the land, "The pan is the weapon of the LORD, and those who doth not fear it, wilt kicketh the bucket by it's cast iron goodness. No weapon shalt beest able to penetrate the pan, for the pan is indestructible to those who art true believers" and so it was done. The rest of the game was ours for the taking, the great Pan protected our Pope and our Cardinal from danger. He allowed himself to be sacrified to allow our prophets the ability to survive and spread the good word. We must now perpetuate the teachings of Panweh (the true name of the great Pan). He commandeth the following:

1. Thou shall not forget to oil thy cast iron pans, for they are your temple
2. Thou shall not take the Pan in vain
3. Thou shall not use other melee weapons in battle.
4. Thou shall bring light of the pan to all, and spread its good word.