THE CHARADE CRUMBLES YET NOTHING REMAINS

hello i am a 16 year old who recently found an interest in being a girly boy due to my unrestricted internet access from a young age in hand with bad parenting and consuming slice of life anime for most of my teenage years. my favorite games consist of csgo, valorant, tf2, and dead by daylight just to name a few. and when i feel like it i legit-cheat in csgo and sometimes even hvh.

my online handles usually consist of single nouns in all lowercase such as "sleepy, cloud, moon, death". I will usually make my profile depressive and ominous in nature to seem mysterious and melancholic. i will then proceed to litter my bio with hyperlinks to drain gang songs and assorted obscure cloud rap. i never really made too many friends in school because i have always had issues with social anxiety and fitting in. i have a very slim and girly body which helps a lot with making me feel cute. due to my failure with intimacy involving women i have taken it apon myself to become feminine to the point of being one myself since women get a lot of attention and i want that same attention so desperately (again due to parental neglect). i then apply my own warped version of a woman onto myself in an effort to imitate how they act. i am hypersexual, narcissistic, and super clingy to any man or other femboy (no women) that gives me the slightest of praise.

since i have social anxiety i cant go out in real life to find my soulmate, so i resort to online dating using steam, discord, or /soc/ in a desperate effort to find the next person out of 100s that i can cling on to. when i do inevitably fine someone i will lovebomb them endlessly showing them as much affection and love as i can muster. i will have a heart in my bio linking to their profile as a way to show everyone that i have a significant other. we will play games together and watch anime and sleep together in vc. I will then break up with them within a few months after the honeymoon phase has ended since i really dont know how to prolong anything in life besides my own repulsive lifestyle. i am very selfish by nature, only looking out for myself and not caring for the wellbeing of the partner i am with or the "friends" i have.

in an attempt to cope with my life choices of being a femboy and being seen by pretty much anyone else in life as a loser, i will join groups on steam such as "online relationships are not real" and groups like this one as a projection of my own flaws and insecurities. my life is never ending sorrow and i have forgotten who i even am, but i will continue anyways since i dont have the motivation to seek self help or even therapy. i will continue this shtick well into my mid 30s where i will start to visibly age. all that i worked for to be a pointless and useless parasite on society and the people around me will have been for nothing as my hair will start to thin, my skin will start to wrinkle, and my fat distribution will start to change for the worst.