M&M's Champions

So, I was wondering how to play the Pan flute. I mean, the Incas and the Mayans have told me that playing it properly can release my hidden talents. *gets a beer* Further more, I woke up in Las Vegas. The flute actually transported me there. As I look on the note that was left on my chest, I looked with a smile as it read " your Heart is your own path ". Then I realized, my heart is torn between wanting love and wanting to be single. I had no idea what to do. So, right then and there, I saw the most beautiful woman in the world and I said "Do you wash your pants in Windex...because I can see myself in them". She looked up at me in her blue eyes and said "Allak mu hash am mill a ghanda miru nakka milodon ish a binruru gahannda!!!". Needless to say, the sex went on for hours until she died of a massive stroke. It was the best 6 min I've ever had with a 92 year old Indonesian woman. After seeing her soul leave her body like worms being hit by a truck made out of glazers and animal rage, I took off.

I met the master of the Flute. I played it. They were all songs of my journey. Songs like "Sex with the Elderly" "Sex with Hot Girls that I really wish I knew what happened" and finally "The Thong Song". After this, the started to glow (just like Lindsay Lohan) and became a golden Dragon. He looked at me and said "Deal or No Deal?". I said deal. He gave me the greatest gift of them all: Perfect Hair forever.

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