As stated on title.

Since it is a well known fact that SOME PEOPLE don't give up the PC in favor of "positive penances" I would like to take the oppertunity to announce a new line of product ~.~ INTRODUCING! the "Cat-o-nine tails" for anyone who would opt for such mortification. I'm also offering(limited quantity so call now) "firey zeal" a pillow that's so soft your head sinks into it, envoloping your head to get the nice burned ear effect when you wake up with a parched throat. Also limited quantity is "The potato mattress" a bed to go with the pillow with a lump placed just in the right spot for your back. and the last but not least, is the "ash shaker" stories of monks who would go the extra step and not only NOT salt their food, would sprinkle it with ash,
DON'T BE SHY CALL NOW!
prices subject to change. not legal in all states. see store for details