𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝟰 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁

It was around a year ago, i have been talking with a guy that i had met in my favourite game. He came to defend me when some people were harasing me in my comments. Out of this we started talking, a lot, i always enjoyed our conversations and we were very alike, we always got along, as time went by he was my support in multiple things especially psycologically, he had this unmatched energy, i thought it was god sent, i never let that person go away, i knew that only him existing in my sad reality,

trying to talk to me even when i was on my lowest and it was unfortunately always, at this point i have a history of long depression and i am not hiding it anymore, as time moves on by we started having feelings to each other, i got scared and i blocked him at christmas, i was afraid to let anyone enter my world, i was afraid that he was going to leave me if he actually saw in it, i was thinking that he was going to leave me in the end just like most people do when they see difficult nowadays, i always felt that nobody can survive in my world, i do not know why am i even alive at this point but i don't want to die yet.

He seemed strong and he seemed like hope. I came back to him and i told him that i like him but we should never talk again, i told him to protect himself and move on. I told him to not come close to me, but he didn't listened, he is really stubborn. He came back, he did something very nice that nobody has so far, he wished me happy name day for my celebration with a heart, i was thinking of it all day. I added him back. I felt safe, happy, i felt that i matter when i saw his first message back, i felt hope.

. I told him that i hurt a lot, and that i am a very difficult person, i am always worried and hurt, i need reassurance, i need a bit more of effort than normal, after all don't we all?. I warned him one more time, i told him don't leave me. He promised he won't. I believed him. We were together for 8 months. We usually fight a lot, but we always fixed things. I always tried my best, i gave everything i had, but he doesn't know, some things cannot be said by words. He also is a difficult person, there were times i wanted to give up but i saw at the future, a future where we can comeback everything and be together and never say goodbye. We were not perfect but i really love him. I was not desparate, i didn't stayed with him because i was desperate or because i did not had any other options...

i always had options but i knew that they would be a dream that would backfire and stab me if i followed it, that's also something he doesn't know. I don't know what happened to us. As time went by especially the last month that we were together we fight a lot, i went to his place for 5 days and i gave more than 900 euro so we can come by, life is expensive, it's really expensive it hurts. But as i came back i realise that he did not got me anything at 8 months that we are together, he did not even saved money to pay once, he didn't got me a gift or some flowers even if i was keep asking for some for quite some time. But he did spend all of his money on smoking...

He knew i was gonna be there and he kept nothing for us, for me. I started feeling like i was getting neglected as time go by, afteral the biggest gifts are the ones money can't by and i never asked for money, i just wanted some effort. It was a few days after i left his place and i came back home that he hanged the phone on me and did not text or called me for the whole day, he said that he was busy with his family, going out, swimming, eating, walking out, i told him that i was worried and that i am crying and he answered with, i am sorry but i have to go to sleep. I cried so much that night and i was screaming for 2 days crying in front of my friend, i broke my friends heart that night

Well, as days went by we just kept fighting, and fighting, i always tried to talk to him but everytime he was just being defensive without listening to me... He left. Things are really difficult. I don't know what is there to do anymore. I am cold, i am tired, my body hurts and i am crying all day, i never felt this broken... I wish he had killed me in my sleep when we were together, at least i wouldn't know it. I hope i can still be here and read my message next year

bozo moment

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my heart </3 i loved her

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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ 𝙍𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙍𝙖𝙩𝙚
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 𝙁𝙖𝙫 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙁𝙖𝙫
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀    𝙁𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙙𝙙/𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙤𝙧 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙢𝙚!

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