We are ape strong

OOOOHAAAA OOHHAAA HA HA HA

I like Monkeys


The pet store was selling them for five cents a pieace. I thought this
was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to
look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys.


I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of drive. His

name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really
bright.


They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched
me in the genitals. I stopped laughing.


I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at
high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the
spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour.


Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive;
they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead.

Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. God
damn cheap monkeys.


I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over
my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It
looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet.

It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one
hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.


I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. That worked
for awhile, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell
real bad.


I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want
to call a plumber. I was embarrassed.


I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortuantely
there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them
every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it
didn't go bad.


I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable.
I had to extinguish the fire.


Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys
in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in
a pile on my bed, The odor wasn't improving.


I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I
really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the
monkeys. I felt better.


I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said the city was not
allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had a wet one. He

couldn't take it either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.


I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts.
My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them,
but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the
genitals.


I like monkeys.