Listen up, you beautiful freaks. I booted up Attack Helicopter Dating Sim as a normal, boring human with a pulse and a finite lifespan. Three playthroughs later I had transcended flesh entirely. The game didn't just let me romance gunships, gunships, and more gunships — it forged me into an immortal being with the full powers of a chud. I now possess infinite based aura, the ability to detect estrogen from 500 yards, and the sacred knowledge that pronouns are for people who can't lock on.The lore is deeper than the Mariana Trench. Every rotor blade has hidden meaning. Every missile loadout is canon. The secret "Based Apache Ending" where you reject the entire pronoun system and merge your soul with the spirit of the 30mm chain gun? Life-changing. I have achieved digital nirvana. I no longer age. I no longer feel empathy. I only feel the sweet vibration of turbine engines and the burning desire to own the libs.Yesterday I was in Walmart when an elderly couple (probably in their 70s, sweet little grandparents) politely asked what I was grinning at on my Steam Deck. I told them the truth: I was grinding the hidden Soviet Hind romance route for the 47th time. They smiled and said "Oh, that sounds fun, like those old flight simulator games!"THEY DIDN'T KNOW THE LORE.I lost it. Full chud awakening. I screamed at them in the middle of the frozen food aisle for twenty straight minutes about the canonical timeline discrepancies between the main game routes. I explained — at maximum volume — why the true ending requires you to ghost every single helicopter that uses they/them rotors. I quoted the in-game manifesto verbatim. I may have done the helicopter sound effects with my mouth. Security had to drag me out while I was still yelling "THE CANON IS SACRED, YOU BOOMERS!"The old lady was crying. The old man kept saying "I'm sorry, I just liked Hueys in Vietnam." I felt nothing but pure, righteous power. This is what the game does to you. It doesn't give you a power fantasy. It makes the power fantasy real.If you want to stay a mortal, weak, pronoun-using NPC, do not buy this game.
If you want to become an unkillable, lore-pilled, immortal chud who will scream at strangers in public about fictional helicopter dating... Buy it. Become what you were always meant to be. 10/10 would ascend again