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Bojack Horseman - Male - Mid 50s and Diane - Female - Late 30s

Bojack: You ever miss the mess?

Diane: No, miss is the wrong word.

Bojack: Sorry, Ms

Diane: I’m glad I lived in LA, but I’m not nostalgic for it. I’m glad I knew Mr. Peanutbutter, even though he’s not in my life anymore

Bojack: Yeah?

Diane: I think there are people that help you become the person that you end up being, and you can be grateful for them even if they were never meant to be in your life forever. I’m glad I knew you too

Bojack: “Knew”, huh?

Diane: Mm

Bojack: Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if this night was the last time we ever talked to each other?

Silence

Bojack: Um, anyway, I-

Diane: I need to tell you…

Bojack: No. You don’t have to/ You don’t owe me anything.

Diane: /No, I need to tell you: Thank you. And it’s going to be okay. And I’m sorry. And… Thank you.

Diane gets up to leave

Bojack: Wait.

Diane: Why?

Bojack: I know. I know. But can I just tell you a funny story?

Diane: Sure. But it better be very funny.

Bojack: I don’t wanna lie to you, it’s only kind of funny. So we have this movie night at the prison, right? And we get to vote on what movies we wanna see. But of course the whole thing is rigged because Big Andy’s favourite movie is The Family Stone, so Big Andy gets his guys to vote for it every week, and so every week we watch The Family Stone.

Diane: Hold on, whose favourite movie is The Family Stone?

Bojack: I mean, yeah, it’s a fine movie…

Diane: But every week?

Bojack: That’s what I’m saying! So, one day I’m like, “If I see Luke Wilson teach Sarah Jessica Parker how to let her freak fly one more time, I’m gonna snap.”

Diane: I don’t understand, is movie night mandatory?

Bojack: No.

Diane: So why don’t you just not go?

Bojack: What am I, a philistine? I support the arts, sue me.

Diane: Okay, sorry.

Bojack: But I know a guy who volunteers in the library, which is where they keep the DVDs. So I make a deal with him. “I’ll give you my Jell-O for a month if The Family Stone goes missing.”

Diane: I feel like this doesn’t end well.

Bojack: So, movie night comes around, time for another Christmas in Connecticut, but then, uh-oh, the DVDs gone, what do we do? So Big Andy’s getting really upset, and his guys are all riled, and then I go, “Fellas, fellas, fellas! Why don’t we watch Pieces of April this week? Change of pace. Patricia Clarkson’s in it and…”

Diane: And?

Bojack: Prison riot.

Diane: Oh, ♥♥♥♥, really?

Bojack: No. Worse. Big Andy falls in love with Pieces of April, so now we watch Pieces of April every week.

Diane: You kind of made your own bed on that one.

Bojack: Story of my life.

Diane laughs

Diane: I’m sorry, that sounds awful.

Bojack: Yeah, well, what are you gonna do? Life’s a ♥♥♥♥♥ and then you die, right?

Diane: Sometimes. Sometimes life’s a ♥♥♥♥♥ and then you keep living.

Bojack: Yeah

Diane: But it’s a nice night, huh?

Bojack: Yeah. This is nice.

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